Nightcall

Shouldn’t writing be liberating? Or relaxing ? Why write if it won’t help me unwind like the TV does when I turn it on right after entering my room? The programme on the TV doesn’t matter. The options are limited anyways: Enter 10, दगल, B4U Music, Shakti, News X and some more. However the issue at hand is not the channel but the ability of the sound of the TV to help me relax.  And if writing can’t be liberating or relaxing then it should merely help things to stay as it is without making the writer feel burdened by the act nor making them feel any better. It should maintain the status quo, just blend with the mood. Just like this song ‘Nightcall’ playing in the background. It  compliments my nights without polluting it with thoughts or emotions.

Lately, I’ve turned writing into a burdensome exercise. There is a lot of self-editing going on in my head even before express something.  The outcome then lacks originality. It kills the very objective of writing. The thrill of putting out your thoughts into words is gone.It turns into a shot gone bad because the object is now self-conscious of the camera lens pointing in her direction. An element of manufactured reality seeps into the picture. Hope you got what I meant.

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Food

Prescription for Writer’s Block

My prescription for writer’s block is to face the fact that there is no such thing. It’s an invented condition, a literary version of the judicial “abuse excuse.” Writing well is difficult, but one can always write something. And then, with a lot of work, make it better. It’s a question of having enough will and ambition, not of hoping to evade this mysterious hysteria people are always talking about.

THOMAS MALLON

It was about a week ago that the thought of writing something occurred to me in recent times. It was right after I finished watching ‘Julie & Julia’. Julie’s blog was an inspiration. I thought of all the things that could be written throughout the movie. But wrote nothing when it was over and that was that.

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Occupy Wall Street: Understanding the Occupation

This is an article I received via email by a friend in the US. It is an excellent account of the first hand experience of Occupy Wall Street. Do take a read.

Understanding the Occupation By Ray

Early morning on the 28th of October, I took a bus to the big city; New York, the current capital of revolution in the U.S. of America. I had just won a war against the Immigration Department, and my partner had come up with a perfect celebration plan; to visit Zuccotti Park and witness the Occupy Wall Street Movement for the weekend.

My curiosity about this movement increased with every city border crossed. Between being half asleep and extremely nervous about the bus driver who was busy either texting or dozing off while also speeding, I was doing pretty good managing my excitement.

Honestly though, I wasn’t really interested in what this “occupation” looked like or how it was different from the one here in Greensboro, North Carolina. My anticipation was based more on the prospect of getting to understand and, hopefully share the same sentiment that my partner had claimed to have experienced during her first time getting the whiff of this revolution in the big city.

Our arrival there was accompanied by more wind and snow. The park from a distance looked smaller than what I had imagined. But it took me less than few minutes to realize that the illusion was the result of my unintentional comparison of the site with the giant concrete buildings surrounding it. As I made my way inside the camp site, I saw more of how big the Occupation was, in more than just one way.

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I need a cigarette

I need a cigarette. Not just any cigarette but the kind which stays inside a box with a large picture of a pair of dark black lungs on it. I need a cigarette for my thoughts. You get me a Nimbooz. I am agitated or so I look. Perhaps something to drink would quell my thoughts. But I wish for a cigarette just like you. A cigarette that I can hold in between my fingers and bring to my lips, inhale something deep and release. There’s so much glamour attached to it. And this one time I am hoping there is more lighting a cigarette than glamour.

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Dashain 2011


Dashain, Tika

Dashain 2011 By S. Thapa

Our Dashain was a small private affair: five girls, a bit of dressing up for the occasion and lots of photos. Dashain was barely acknowledged last year so it was mine as well as everyone else’s first Dashain away from home. My day started by reading news about Jobs’ demise which saddened me deeply but all thanks to the girls here who cheered me up and helped me get ready for the occasion. Walking out with the big red tika on our foreheads with people staring at us, students from elsewhere asking us for the tika as well….it felt so good to be different. It was as though we had taken up the herculean task of preserving and promoting our culture here. Big words, I know.

Lastly, my heartfelt thanks to the spirited Nepali girls for just being there…

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An hour around the temple

‘Namaste’ a voice greeted me sometime back. I looked up at the voice. It had a face of a man clad in a green jacket with chandan on his forehead. ‘Namaste’ I murmured back for courtesy showing absolutely no interest to carry the conversation any further. ‘From China?’ he asked my mistaking my murmur for interest. I shook my head sideways and laughed finding his observation incredulous. He left. He must have been scared by my laughter. Here I am wearing a kurti from Bharat. In fact everything I am wearing is made in India barring my shoes most probably made in China and he mistakes me for a Chinese.  I’d forgotten that people often mistake me for Japanese, Korean etc thereby was taken aback. Dherai bhayecha kasaile mero mongoloid looks notice nagareko.Dhanya this reminder :P  

I am in Pashupati as I type this on my Nokia. A flock of pigeons just flew past the main temple right in front on me. I am sitting on a window of a stone structure that houses a Shiva linga just across the temple. The temple of the ever emerging Kalki lies across the river. There’s another temple to its left with a lotus/chakra like structure at the top where people keep throwing coins for reasons unknown to me. Real time update: A dead body arrives wrapped in yellow cloth. Someone’s blowing a conch. A boy startled me from the back by making a  ‘dyau’ sound and scratching my right arm. What the hell! I was too startled to react, left the spot and now am sitting in a different place. His nail marks stay on my arm. He could’ve been hiding in the place as I saw him in the corner as I stood up to leave. Maybe this is what happens when you look like a Chinese here!  (Late observation: the guy looked like a teenager and wore his jeans very low. Saw this as he walked out of his dark hideout.)

Jehos, I wanted to write something else but the scratch boy has put me in a different frame of mind. Hope dirty nails aren’t vector of diseases. (I know they are.) Kya yaar, here I was minding my business and get scratched by a moron? A man doing a monkey’s job in Pashupati? Nonetheless, people are still throwing coins at the temple discussed above. No sooner the coin touches the ground few boys rush to collect it. I don’t know what coin throwing is supposed to do. Maybe it will bring wealth, luck, happiness or whatever is the belief. The only thing that I see is an act of coin throwing and instant collection. Those coins will be smoked like I can already see some of those boys doing. That’s all. That is reality to me. I guess the coin gives some consolation or fun for people who do so and luck and happiness to the ones who collect it. A win-win situation.

There’s life around me. There’s talk. A guy to my left is talking about his HIV related NGO. There’s the sound of a huge bell and other small bells coming from the temple. Their sounds are distinct. ‘Shambhoooo’ someone just called out.

A dead body lies in Brahmanal, another awaits its turn in the waiting area with ‘Narayan’ written on a wooden frame above it. Death continues as gracefully as life does. I come here now and then for the ambience of this place; to experience this atmosphere of belief, the smell of death and listen to tolling of the bells…But I know that mere observation of death is not the realization of the transient nature of life. No uttering of ‘Narayan’ is going to liberate me from my sufferings…neither is Shiva…It’s just easier to think someone else is going to clean up our mess isn’t it?

Amen.

(July 4, 8:41 am)