केटा-केटीको प्रोटोकल

Originally published in today’s Kantipur
एन्जेला मर्केल रोमानो प्रोदीसँग गफिइरहेकी हुन्छिन्, भिडियोमा अचानक जर्ज डब्लू बुस देखापर्छन् । अघिसम्म औपचारिक कुराकानीजस्तो लाग्ने माहोलमा अनपेक्षित परिवर्तन आउँछ । संसार हाँक्ने महामहिम अमेरिकी राष्ट्रपतिका हात जर्मन चान्सलर मर्केलका गला र कुम मसाज गर्न मस्त हुन्छन् । लाजले होला, इटालीका प्रधानमन्त्री प्रोदी आफ्ना आँखा सामुन्नेका कागजतिर डुलाउँछन् । असहज अवस्थामा पुगेकी मर्केलको अनुहारमा आश्चर्य झल्किन्छ । उनी बुसतिर हेर्छिन् र जबरजस्ती मुस्कान फाल्छिन् । भिडियो हेर्ने हरकोही महिला मर्केलको असजिलोपना महसुस गर्न सक्छन् ।

Bush rubs Merkel the wrong way

पाँच सेकेन्डको यो भिडियोले इन्टरनेटको दुनियाँमा तहल्का मच्चायो । अनेकन नामले चिनिने बुसको पुनः न्वारन भयो । पृथ्वीको सर्वशक्तिमान सेनाका प्रमुख ‘ग्रोपर इन चिफ’ -अरूलाई सुम्सुम्याएर यौन सन्तुष्टि लिनेहरूका प्रमुख) र ‘लाउन्ज लिजार्ड’ -ठूला कोठामा खुसुक्क घिसि्रने) भए । जर्मन अखबार ‘ब्लिज’ ले वेभसाइटमा भिडियोका प्रत्येक प|mेमको विश्लेषण गरेको छ भने डायलग इन्टरनेसनलले लेख्यो- ‘आफ्ना -भाषणका) लेखक तथा सहयोगी नहुँदा बुसमा बौद्धिकताको अभाव र भावनात्मकरूपमा केटाकेटीपना स्पष्ट झल्किन्छ ।’ पूर्व अमेरिकी राष्ट्रपति विल क्लिन्टनकी लामो समयदेखिकी साथी तथा डेमोक्रेटिक पार्टी कार्यकर्ता मार्था ह्वेट्स्टोनले उक्त घटनाबारे गरेको विश्लेषण कम रोचक छैन । ‘के रोनाल्ड रेगनले बेलायती प्रधानमन्त्री मार्गरेट थ्याचरलाई त्यस्तो गरेका थिए ? अनि सम्बन्ध राम्रो भएको ठान्ने बुस त्यस्तै मसाज -रूसी राष्ट्रपति) भ्लादिमिर पुटिनलाई चाहिँ किन गर्दैनन् ? यो भिडियो यौन दुव्र्यवहारसम्बन्धी तालिमहरूमा प्रयोग गरिनुपर्छ र सबैका लागि ‘हाकिमले त्यस्तो काम कदापि गर्नुहुन्न’ भन्ने पाठ हुनुपर्छ ।’

यो प्रसंग खुट्टो टेक्ने ठाउँ नभए पनि ‘भित्र जाऊ’ भन्ने काठमाडौंको बस सेवा ‘नेपाल यातायात’ को होइन न त मान्छे कोचिएपछि फुट्लाजस्तो देखिने भक्तपुर मिनीबस कै हो । त्यो त जी-८ को अघिल्लो साता रूसमा सम्पन्न बैठक हो जहाँ विश्वका सबैभन्दा विकसित राष्ट्र प्रमुखहरू भेला हुन्छन् । त्यस्ता बैठकमा हातको प्रयोग ज्यादातर ‘ह्यान्ड सेक’ र सम्झौताहरूमा हस्ताक्षर गर्न गरिन्छ । कहिलेकाहीँ ती हातले मसाज पनि गर्दारहेछन् भन्नेचाहिँ यसैपालि मात्र थाहा पाइयो । बुसले जी-८ बैठकमा सहभागी एक्ली महिला मर्केललाई ‘मुफ्त मसाज’ प्रदान गर्नुको कारण उनी नै जानुन् तर त्यस्ता अनपेक्षित र नमागिएका स्पर्शहरूको अनुभव नभएका महिला सायदै भेटिएलान् ।

मान्छे कोचिएका बसमा होस् वा भीडमा, अँध्यारो फिल्म हलमा वा खुला मैदानमै, दुव्र्यवहारी जहाँ पनि चालू हुन्छन् । केटी देख्न पाएको छैन, सुरु भइहाल्यो हर्कत । मर्केलपछि प्रसंग नेपालमै ल्याउँ, दुव्र्यवहार भोग्दाको मेरो पहिलो अनुभव सुनाउँ । म ११ कक्षामा पढ्थ्ों र १० वर्षे होस्टल जीवनपश्चात् बाहिर निस्कँदा हरेक कुरालाई बाल निर्दोषताका आँखाबाट हेथ्ोर्ेें । चारैतिर राम्रा कुरामात्र देख्थें र मेरा निम्ति सब मान्छे जाति थिए ।

बिहानीको अफिस/कलेज टाइम भएकाले ‘नेपाल यातायात’ मान्छेले खचाखच थियो । दाह्रीबिनाको चिल्लो अनुहार, सुनौला प|mेम भएको चस्मा, इस्त्री लगाएको हल्का पहेंलो रङको सर्ट र सुनौलो रङकै घडी लगाएका ३० वर्ष जतिका एक ‘भद्रपुरुष’ ठ्याक्क मेरो पछाडि उभिएका थिए । घडीलाई फेसन स्टेटमेन्ट मान्ने हुनाले म मेरा आँखै अगाडिको उनको हातको ‘समय मेसिन’ लाई अवलोकन गर्नमै व्यस्त थिएँ । केही समयपछि कसैले कम्मरमा समातेझैं लाग्यो । सोचें, धेरै भीड भएकाले कसैले समात्ने ठाउँ नपाएर समाएको होला । अप्ठेरोमा परेकोलाई मद्दतै हुन्छ । तर मस्तिष्कले जति सकारात्मक सोचे पनि शरीरले अत्यन्तै असजिलो महसुस गर्न थालेपछि मैले त्यो अन्जान हात हटाएँ । पन्छाउन पाएको छैन, हात पहिलेकै ठाउँमा आयो, मानौं म कुनै चुम्बक थिएँ र हातचाहिँ फलामको धूलो । बोल्न त परै जावस्, म ठीक तरिकाले सोच्न पनि सकिरहेकी थिइनँ । बसबाट नउत्रेसम्म ‘हात राख्ने’ र पन्छाउने प्रक्रिया चलिरह्यो । जतिसुकै भीड भए पनि कसैको कम्मर समात्ने स्थिति कहिल्यै आउँदैन भन्ने कुरा सिकियो, सबै चस्मा लगाउने व्यक्ति सभ्य हुँदैनन् भन्ने मूल मन्त्रकै रूपमा ग्रहण गरियो ।

कसले कति बोल्ने भन्ने मात्रै हो, नत्र सार्वजनिक यातायात प्रयोग गर्ने महिलाहरूका लागि यस्ता घटना समान्य हुन थाले । ‘नानी कता ? हामी सँगै आउन’ जस्ता टिप्पणी जिस्काको कम, ‘संवाद थाल्ने असफल प्रयास’ ज्यादा लाग्छ । तर सधैं त्यस्ता स्वच्छ शब्दहरू मिश्रत सरल वाक्यमात्र कहाँ सुन्न पाइन्छ र ? एकपटक बाटो हिंड्दा एक अधवैंशेले म माथि अश्लील शब्दहरूको वषर्ा गर्‍यो । गर्मीमा बाहुले सर्ट र लुज जिन्स लगाएर चुप लागेर हिंड्दासमेत नेपाली अश्लील शब्दभन्डारहरूको झल्को पाउँदा म तीन छक परें । आफैंमा केही खराबी छ कि जस्तो पनि लाग्यो । मौखिक दुव्र्यवहारको विशेषता त्यही हो, कानमा कम तर मनावैज्ञानिक असर ज्यादा । कुरो एकांगीजस्तो लाग्ला तर बेलाबखत केटीहरूले केटालाई र्‍याखर्‍याखती पारेको नसुनिएको होइन । तर आक्ललझुक्कल विशेषतः महिला कलेज परिसरमा केटीहरूले केटा जिस्काउनु र घरबाट निस्कँदा टिप्पणीहरू सुन्ने मानसिकता बनाएर हिँड्नुपर्ने अवस्थामा ठूलो अन्तर छ ।

युवा भएकाले हामी नयाँ कुरा सजिलै अँगाल्छौं । उदार सोच भनौं या पश्चिमाकरणको प्रभाव, नमस्ते छाडेर हामी साथी -केटा होस् या केटी) सँग हात मिलाउँछौं, खुलस्त जिस्किन्छौं र त्यति गर्दैमा ‘लभ’ परेको पनि मान्दैनौं । यत्रो परिवर्तन आइसक्दा पनि केटाहरू पुराना हिन्दी फिल्मका गुन्डाकै शैलीमा प्रस्तुत हुने ? केटी देखेपछि जिब्रो नफड्कारेसम्म खाएको पनि नपच्ने हो कि ? दुईचार कमेन्ट पास -टिप्पणी) नगरेसम्म पाइला अगाडि नबढ्ने हो

कि ? केटाहरूको समस्या के हो, मलाई वास्तमै जान्ने इच्छा छ । -प्रश्न उठ्न सक्छ, मचाहिँ केटाहरूले घोरिएर हेरेको कसरी थाहा पाउँछु ? हो, केटीहरूले केटा नहेर्ने होइनन्, हेरिन्छ । तर कलात्मक शैलीमा, अवरोध नपुर्‍याइकन । मेरा साथीको समेत अनुभव छ, केटीलाई एकै झल्को काफी हुन्छ केटालाई नियाल्न । अरूलाई असजिलो हुनेगरी घोरिइरहन पर्दैन । बाटो हिँड्ने केटीलाई घोरिएर हेर्ने केटा देख्दा घरीघरी मलाई बीच बाटोमै मेरा टाउकामा सिंग उम्रे कि जस्तो लाग्छ ।)

नबोल्दा त्यत्रो खसखस हुन्छ भने राम्रैसँग कुरा गरांै न । सायद हाम्रा पुरुष मित्रले यी नेपाल यातायातका कन्डक्टरबाट केही सिक्न सक्छन् । कुरा केही अघिको हो, भाडा माग्दै ती कन्डक्टर मेरा अगाडि आइपुगे । म भाडा दिँदै थिए, उनको ध्यान मेरा दाँत बाँध्न प्रयोग गरिएको तारले तानेछ ।

‘तपाईंलाई बोल्न गाह्रो हुँदैन ?’ ब्रेसेजलाई इंगित गर्दै उनले सोधे ।
‘हुँदैन,’ अनपेक्षित प्रश्न भए पनि मैले हाँस्दै जवाफ दिएँ- ‘लगाएको धेरै भइसक्यो ।’
उनले मलाई चकित पार्ने गरी अनुरोध गरे- ‘ईई गर्नुस् त ।’
अगाडि उभिएर, शिर ठाडो बनाएर गरिएको त्यो अनुरोध सुनेपछि मैले कुन बेला ‘ईर्ईई’ गरेर दाँत देखाइदिएछु, पत्तै पाइन । उनले दाँत अवलोकन गरे र अगाडि फर्के । -अँ साँची, उनका दाँतचाहिँ अनारकै दानाजस्ता मिलेका थिए ।)

च्याट र इ-लभको प्रभाव बढिरहेको यो अवस्थामा अब इ-विवाह पनि सुरु भइसक्यो । नदेखेको र नभेटेको मान्छेसँग गफगर्दा त्यति धेरै सम्भावना हुन्छन् भने प्रत्यक्ष अगाडि उभिएको मान्छेसँग राम्रै मिजासमा कुरा गर्दा भइहाल्यो । कुरा अगाडिबाट हुनुपर्‍यो, आमनेसामने । आँखामा आँखा राखेर । ती कन्डक्टरले जस्तो । अनि जर्ज डब्लु बुस, स्वतन्त्र विश्वका नेताले पनि साह्रै मन भए मर्केलका अगाडि उभिएर मसाज गर्नुपर्‍यो, पूर्व स्वीकृति लिएर । बिरालाका चालमा पछाडिबाट आएर ‘सरप्राइज’ दिने होइन । सोच के हुनुपर्‍यो भने महिला-पुरुष समान हुन् र तीमध्ये एकले अर्कोसँग व्यवहार गर्दा त्यही ‘प्रोटोकल’ अपनाउनु पर्छ । त्यो प्रोटोकल जी-८ बैठकदेखि नेपाल यातायातसम्म कायम गरिनुपर्छ ।

Words you can relate to

Life is the greatest teacher. It doesn’t speak. It doesn’t say you are doing it wrong; it simply walks with you wherever you take it. It doesn’t say anything. It’s like those still hills that surround this city. It looks. It hears. It sees. But it doesn’t speak. But once, in everybody’s life, comes a time when they realize the importance of their own lives. Some realize too early and they make it to the point, and some realize it a little late but still they too make it to the point. Life would be too long if we would realize our mistakes too early. And then we would have lots of time to make decisions, the well planned ones.

The city makes its presence noticeable. People, vehicles, the noise of shutters, the news. All for all. And the day gives us options. Options to live, options to die, options to cry, options to smile, options to scratch the wounds, options to heal the wounds. And I choose many from one. I choose to scratch the wounds, options to heal the wounds. And I choose many from one. I choose to live with memories. I choose to cry clinging on to the torn sleeves of my memories, I choose to smile when I hear that divine voice that comes somewhere from the heap of my memories and tells me to let it go, I choose to scratch the would that my memory isn’t able to heal. And I choose to heal the wound when it gets scratched. And life goes on. It’s been going on. I don’t know where. I wish I could let everything go…I wish I could wake up with a vacant mind…I wish I could stop remembering. I wish I could stop making stories…
KAMLESH

(p.s was going through my journals when I came across these words..not mine but Kamlesh’s..though relevant.Well the boy is having the time of his life in a beautiful place in Far-western Nepal…while I bring his exclusive pieces for your eyes..as for my ramblings..a bit busy attending meetings )

THe Response

Psycho….. A word with such negative contations; yet who hasn’t seen themselves in that mirror before? Anyone who would say otherwise is just blind to their own possible reflections!
Now let me see who proclaims to be dwelling outside the Realm of Psychos! Thanks Rene.

I for one thought that I had been cured with so much concern about my mental well being but seems like “Psycho” has Black hole traits. Unescapable, I move on from one psycho act to another. For instance writing in Nepali. Hehehe. Btw let me reveal the great secret, I don’t know Nepali typing . But its not like I first wrote it in English and then someone else translated it into Nepali like some of my friends thought. Hehe.. I can write in Nepali though I lack practice and still find lot of words like “Ghumlunga pareko sweater” strange and laugh when people ask me “Kahan cheu”.Nevertheless I have a Private Nepali vocabulary which includes words like “Gappe”! It means…..serious….hahaha. Like your passport size photo.

Hmm but writing the article below was fun! Hope none of my relatives ever utter that “Only Daughters” dialogue ever Again!! It just reached the climax when an oldie told my Mom “You should have a son” A few weeks ago in a Bratabanda ceremony! Malai ta Budi Ko bangara jhardina man lagirathyo but ya pretended not to have heard it! No use reacting either “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. Anyways I plan to have a Football Team of Daughters if this high tech sexism of Sex Selective Abortion Continues! Wish Me Luck!! HAHAHA

The responses were cooler. I had only opened my eyes in the morning when I received an sms reading:

“Waw! Gagan Thapa ko article tala arko netri ko artical raicha!”

I replied ” You sure are very fast”.

N I couldn’t have expected an answer smarter than this:
” Ma sikshit chu, jaagir khanchu, ghar samhalchu..ani fast ta hunnai paryo ni! Hehehe “

Another friend called me and her last words were ” Ani ma chahin pakka dadu punyeu ko kura gardina” She is a Mindblowing Cook!

I just checked my mailbox and man I JUST LOVED the responses I received. Some five or six of them and that Feels Sooooo Good judging by the fact that I am just a nobody from nowhere and yet they mailed me!! I will reply back to all of em’, increase my gmail real ID circle or rathertell them to visit my blog! Hey that’s easier then we could all discuss it here .. I just know how it feels to be sending emails and later regret doing it because you don’t even receive a smiley for an answer…THat’s Rude. N blog readers sorry for not responding thy cool comments will do that after this..

For now let me continue with the responses:
One girl two years my senior writes:
“You had written BESHYA BRITI IS ALSO SHAMmaNIT PESA. SAMAJ TYAHA PUGI SHAKYO. OHO DEAR FRIEND u don’t have right to randomly to do analist of society ko k. u can do like that service, u have think deeply, ra kohi sex worker lai shodha , is she really can do pride from her work.If they can hatmukh jodna aru kam garera kohipani mahila tyasto kam garna chahadainan, u have todo reserch k sister. “

Another reads:

“I really liked your all explanations about women characteristics of NEPAL and couraging them to change on their think. I think you must differ from all of this characteristics according to your statements and we(Nepalese) need such types of people to revolute all women’s charactoristics and their think and thinking style. But one thing the most important is do as you say for ‘think revolution’ which results the actual change.”

I differ ya for sure…I will Never Ever Be A Scared Cook in the Kitchen. For starters I rather scare people with my culinary skills than be scared myself. And for me Men who can’t cook aren’t “Men” at all!!

As Kamala Bhasin puts it : “IF A WOMAN CAN COOK, SO CAN A MAN, BECAUSE A WOMAN DOESN’T COOK WITH HER WOMB!”

Talkin of equality in my house ,Dad cooks just Babbal and he isn’t only the “Dad Dish” maker as most are but a everyday cook. Both mom and dad in the kitchen, that makes for up for taste bud xploding meals( N both work). So we sisters are strictly Spoon Users just to avoid swallowing our fingers

Anyways getting back to the comments this one takes away all the prizes:

“Namaste, Firstly I would like to say u congrats for writing a good article on kantipur.I like kantipur n article too, published on ktp. I like ur frankness.
For eg: I am 21 yrs old, I ve not married…..
Keep writing
MUJHESE DOSTI KAROG??????????????????????????????????????????????

It had me rolling with laughter. Actually mentioning my age and single status was someone else’s idea. I had vehemently disagreed to it reasoning ” Why should I mention my age, sex, height, weight and I’m unmarried as though I were desperately searching for a husband?” But then the sb convinced me saying it went well with the article gave the personal touch. It seems to have paid
My reply will surely Be WeLCOme To My Life!

समानताको सेरोफेरो

This article has been originally published in today’s Kantipur. Here is the original link
‘हामी भान्सामा मात्रै होइन, सिंहदरबारमा पनि हुनैपर्छ,’ अगाडि बसेकी एक महिलाले नारा लगाइन् ।

‘हुनैपर्छ, हुनैपर्छ,’ बाँकीले स्वर दिए ।

कुरा केही साता अगाडिको हो, करिब ६०-७० जना महिलाहरूको समूह सिंहदरबार अगाडि ‘राज्यको पुनर्संरचनाको प्रक्रियामा र नयाँ संविधानमा ५० प्रतिशत महिलाहरूको साझेदारी’ को माग राख्दै नारा लगाइरहेका थिए । म त्यही महिला जमातमा थिएँ । भर्खरैमात्र सुवास नेम्बाङ सभामुख नियुक्त भएको त्यस अवस्थामा एउटीले नारा लगाइन्- ‘सभामुखको सिटमा महिला हुनैपर्छ ।’

त्यसलाई बीचैमा काटेर अर्कीर्ले ‘त्यो त अर्कै भइसक्यो’ भनेपछि नारा ‘सभामुखको सिटमा महिला हुनैपथ्र्यो’ मा परिवर्तन गरियो । छेवैका दुई महिला भने भान्छाकै नारामा अल्भिmरहेका थिए ।

‘बढ्ता-बढ्ता नबोल । भात नपकाए भरे मार्लान् नि !,’ एउटीले चेतावनी दिइन् ।

त्यतिखेरसम्म नारामा हल्का बदलाव आइसकेको थियो ।
‘डाडु-पन्युमा सीमित होइन, सिंहदरबारभित्र हुनैपर्छ ।’

ती महिलाले आफ्नी साथीलाई फेरि भनिन्- ‘यस्तो ठाउँमा बसेर पनि के डाडु-पन्युको कुरा गरेको होला !’

जिस्किँदै उनकी अर्की साथीले थपिन्- ‘उहाँ डाडु-पनिउँ छाड्नु हुन्न रे !’

‘कति न उसले छाडेर खान पाउँछु भन्ठान्दी हो । चाहिने कुरा पो गर्नुपर्छ,’ प्रत्युत्तर आयो ।

म रमाइलो मानेर गफ सुनिरहेँ । त्यो महिला जमातमा म र मेरी एउटी साथीभन्दा कम उमेरका कोही थिएनन् । -मचाहिँ केही दिनअगाडि मात्रै २१ वर्षमा लागेँ ।)

‘के म पनि कुनै दिन यस्तै ‘भात नपकाए मार्लान्’ भन्नेमध्ये एक हुन्छु त ?’ आफैंलाई प्रश्न गरेँ । राजधानीको निजी कलेजमा ‘जेन्डर’ की एक विद्यार्थीको जीवनमा पनि त्यस्तो दिन आउने हो भने बाँकी ५७.५१ प्रतिशत असाक्षर नेपाली महिलाको जीवनमा के परिवर्तनको आस गर्नु ? यस्तो प्रश्न मेरो दिमागमा आउनु पनि हुन्न भनेर मैले त्यो सोचलाई पन्छाएँ ।प्रसंग ‘जेन्डर’ कक्षाकै जोडौं । एक दिन एक पुरुष सहपाठीले बढो घतलाग्दो कुरा गरे । ‘अहिलेको आवश्यकता महिलाहरू ‘प्राइभेट’ बाट ‘पब्लिक’ गतिविधिमा जानुमात्र होइन पुरुषहरू दुवै गतिविधिमा समाहित हुनु हो ।

बहुदल आयो, देशमा एकपटक मात्र होइन दुईपटक जनआन्दोलन भयो । पहिलोमा महिला सहभागिताको झल्को मीन बज्राचार्यको त्यो चर्चित फोटोमा मात्रै पाइन्छ भने यसपालिको अपि्रल क्रान्तिमा चाहिँ आफ्नो अधिकार प्राप्तिका लािग महिलाहरूको महासागर नै सडकमा उत्रेको देखियो । नयाँ व्यवस्थामा हाम्रा लागि समान अवसर चाहिन्छ भनेर धर्ना, जुलुस, र्‍याली, महिला सांसदहरूबाट पद त्यागको धम्की के मात्र भएनन् ? अन्ततोगत्वा ५०-५० को माग पनि एक असजिलो सम्झौताको रूपमा ३३ प्रतिशतमा झारियो । ५० बाट १७ जस्तो अनौठो अंक घटाएर ३३ मा किन पुर्‍याइएको होला भन्ने कुरा मैले अहिलेसम्म पनि बुझ्न सकेकी छैन । केबल नीतिगत परिवर्तनले महिलाको सामाजिक जीवनमा बदलाव ल्याउन सक्दैन । कुनै पनि महिलालाई ‘तिम्रा लागि ३३ प्रतिशत छ है’ भन्दैमा त्यसले ‘अर्थपूर्ण सहभागिता’ को ग्यारेन्टी गर्दैन । नीति-निर्माणकै तहसम्म पुगे पनि ‘भात नपकाए मार्लान्’ भन्ने त्रसित मानसिकता भएकी महिलालाई महिला सशक्तीकरणको उदाहरण कसरी मान्ने ? पहिले महिला भएर विभेदपूर्ण सामाजिक चालचलनलाई चुनौती दिन सक्नु पर्‍यो नि !

एक्काइसौ शताब्दी हो, जमाना ‘टेक्नोक्र्याट’ हरूको छ । वेश्यावृत्ति पनि एक सम्मानजनक पेसा हो भन्नेजस्तो उदार सोच समाजले अँगालिसक्दा पनि हामी -महिला) डाडु-पनिउँबिनाको अस्तित्वको कल्पना पनि गर्न सक्दैनौं । ती कुराकानीका अदृश्य ‘मार्ने’ पात्रहरूलाई घरको जिम्मेवारी बाँड्दा के होला भनेर कल्पना पनि गर्न सक्दैनौं । सामाजिक चालचलन र रीतिरिवाज जति विभेदपूर्ण नै किन नहुन्, त्यसलाई प्रश्न नगर्नु हामी नेपाली महिलाहरूको धर्म भएको छ । प्रश्न नगरी परिवर्तनको आस गर्नु मूर्खता हो, हामी यथास्थितिमा रमाइरहेका छौं ।साउन लाग्यो, हामीलाई रातो सारीमा बेरिएर मन्दिर कुद्नै हतार छ । ग्यास्टिकको बिरामी भए पनि हामीलाई पतिदेवकै दीर्घायुको चिन्ता छ । यो कस्तो विचित्र परम्परा हो, आफ्नो अस्वस्थतामा अर्काको स्वस्थ जीवनको कामना ! बेलाबखतमा हाम्रा पि्रय श्रीमान्हरूले पनि त्यस्तै सोच्दा र गर्दा के हुन्थ्यो होला भनेर हामी प्रश्न गर्दैनौं । -प्रष्टीकरण दिइहालौं, मेरोचाहिँ विवाह भएको छैन) ।

हामी शिक्ष्ाित छौं, जागिर खान्छौं, घर सम्हाल्छौं, बालबच्चा हेर्छौ तर हाम्रा श्रीमान्हरू केबल जागिर खान्छन् । के लैंगिक समानता भनेको महिला काँधमा घरायसी जिम्मेवारीमा बाहिरी जिम्मेवारी थोपरिनुमात्रै हो ? हामी उत्तर खोज्दैनौं, यसमै रमाएझैं गर्छां ।

म आफूलाई यो देशका धेरै महिलाको तुलनामा विशेष सुविधाप्राप्त सम्भिन्छु । रोजाइको विषय पढिरहेकी छु, आफ्नोबारेमा निर्णय लिने स्वतन्त्रता छ मलाई, थोर-बहुत स्रोत-साधनमा पहुँच छ र ‘छोरी’ भएकै कारणले असक्षम छु भन्ने भान कहिल्यै भएन । तर एकातिर म कन्डोलिज्जा राइस, एन्जेला मर्केल र ओप्रा विन्पि|mलाई आफ्नो प्रेरणा मानेर अगाडि बढ्छु भने अर्कातिर मलाई मेरो सामाजिक यथार्थले गिज्याइरहन्छ । बितेका २० वर्षमा म कुनै यस्तो पारिवारिक जमघटमा पुगेकी छैन जहाँ उपस्थित एक वा अर्को महानुभावले मेरा आमा-बुबालाई ‘ए ! दुइटी छोरी मात्रै ? छोरा पनि पाउनुपर्ने’ नभनेका होउन् । सानो छँदा त्यस्तो सुन्दा कन्सिरीका रौं तातेर आउँथे तर अहिले त्यसो भन्नेप्रति दया जागेर आउँछ । त्यस्तो ‘चिन्ता’ दर्शाउने ज्यादा महिला नै हुन्छन् ।पितृसत्तात्मक सोचले हामीलाई यति जकडेको छ, हामी आफैं महिला हुनुमा गर्व गर्न सक्दैनौं । कस्तो विडम्बना !

कुनै मनुले ‘महिला सधैँ पुरुषका अधीनमा हुनुपर्छ’ के भनेका थिए, त्यो हाम्रा लागि जीवन यापन गर्ने मूलमन्त्र बनेको छ । पुरुष भएको नाताले स्वजातिलाई नै ठूलो तुल्याउने कुरा गर्नु स्वाभाविक हो भनेर हामी तर्क गर्न सक्दैनौं, व्यवहारमा लागू गर्ने त परै जावस् ।

दिगो परिवर्तन नीतिबाट होइन, व्यवहारबाट मात्र ल्याउन सकिन्छ । अब चुप लागेर बस्ने समय छैन । मेरो पुस्ताले आफ्नो सम्पूर्ण जीवनको उपलब्धि नै ‘दाग बत्ती’ र पिण्ड’ दिनुलाई मान्ने होइन, त्यो विभेदपूर्ण परम्परालाई चुनौती दिनुपर्छ । के हाम्रो पुस्तामा पनि कोही डाडु-पनिउँकै कुरा त गरिरहेको छैन

Unwritten

I feel happy! HAPPIER THAN EVER…. and ya I know this is only the beginning…Hahaha..THe Best is Yet to Come! THank U Yaar for Spicing Up my Life N all the blog visitors too for keeping up my writing spirits …sorry for vanishing, doing things unknown to you guys like having too much Coffee..anyways “A Cup of Coffee and thousand Possibilities” seems to be materializing into reality in my case

NATASHA BEDINGFIELD LYRICS

Unwritten

I am unwritten, can’t read my mind, I’m undefined
I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can’t live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

A psycho Song!

Some things are better untold,
Some mysteries never unfold
Which one is this is for you find out and for me to know!….
Go Psycho reading the lyrics buddy! Listen to it its better. LOL
Sorry readers, sometimes I have the illusion that my blog is still private!

P TOP – P B… – Patti Smyth & Don Henley Lyrics -
Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough Lyrics
Listen to this song, click here

Now, I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don’t want to hate you,
I don’t want to take you, but I don’t want to be the one to cry.

And that don’t really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust.
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you, I don’t want to blame you.
Baby, you don’t have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something’s gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there’s no way home, when it’s late at night and you’re all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there’s a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it’s sad when you know it’s your heart they can’t touch.
There’s a reason why people don’t stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain’t enough.

Baby, sometimes, love… it just ain’t enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No.

Gone Psycho

‘Psycho’ may mean no more than pertaining to the soul but words which have it as their prefix are frightening because of their associations with violence and madness: psychopath, psychotic. The psycho pomp who takes the soul to the underworld is easily imagined as gray and lumbering, but not thin, not wraith like. The psycho pomp is fat.

-The Orisons

Reading Kafka over a cup of coffee. That would make for a mind-blowing date, wouldn’t it? Expecting a similar read. Hmm can’t say what you will make of the writing that will follow this statement. But be assured you won’t trace sanity in an Insane’s Writing!

I have been going through my early entries for sometime and the change in my writing is almost tangible to me! Earlier I wrote merely presuming someone or the other would be reading it, when none did. There was a wild freedom I experienced in pouring out everything on my mind, but with time readers increased and then every time I am writing the huge “I Don’t know who will be reading It” holds be back from doing it! The sense of responsibility towards the readers is sometimes so compromising that it is capable of turning your writing into a lifeless entity. Which makes me wonder why people only seek refined stuff, not something raw like Stream of Consciousness writings. Maybe because they need to exercise their minds to comprehend it like Devkota’s work. But I myself sought for more “Guru Prasad Mainali” than Devkota’s “ Nepal sano cha “ philosophical dialogues. So can I ask that when I don’t have a stance myself? Thoughts: once I start thinking I feel I have deliberately entered the Philosophical Matrix. Why Philosophy? Because once in a while I want to live up to the Tag I have! There is no end to thinking, one thought instigates ten others, I debate one idea with the other, seek logic, answers and there’s a tsunami in my mind. For now, I would better not visit those complex territories.

Getting back to writing someone once told me ‘your earlier writings seems like someone merely ranting, childish, an experienced girl just going insane about everything’ just like a Chepparo character had commented. It was months after the article was posted in UWB so I was somewhat let down learn about the kind of impression I gave. And when you don’t think you write well in the first case it doesn’t help either. Still as a photographer who always tries to see things in the best light it’s all right: Criticism is Good For Growth. And heck, there are so many people who don’t write in the first place afraid of the kind of response they’ll be receiving. Backing out before giving it a shot. So I fare better I guess. … (I’m just trying to Revamp, revitalize and Refresh Myself, You know that feel good stuff)

Anyway today I want to let go of all inhibitions and Be Damn Myself, Write a Psycho Blog(half of which has already been done)….not thinking of some Macaulay, the use of too many “And”, the lack of vocabulary power in my writing (ok but that I can do if I wish to, ah tired of that inferiority complex) , its Winding Trait. Just nothing I don’t want to receive any suggestions too I guess. I mean I write bad then let it be, I want the self-growth in my writings, that self- realization of what could make it better. Just want to achieve it on my own.. Psycho Me. Whatever! I seek a gradual evolution not a sudden change just because someone said so though I am not getting it all. And in that process of evolving I have realized that if there is one thing you should never do in your blogs is talk about people! (Of course anyone other than you). A friend of mine stopped emailing me all of a sudden because my mention of his stuff angered him! He just revealed it to me some days back, months after the entry was posted in UWB! It made me go completely nuts. I mean one email and it could have been edited, what kind of person bottles up his emotions for so long? I thought we were good friends and expressed everything!
What a disheartening experience! He wanted me to accept my fault as he sees it. So here is a Big Sorry for You. (Hope u read this) I have a lot of explaining to do but I don’t explain things to STRANGERS! (You made me feel just that)
Conclusion: Blogging, sometimes you loose friends because you express.
No worries! I don’t make befriend people who aren’t expressive.

Even the Psycho Guff is turning into a write up! Hahah Yet I can’t end it all without figuring out the reason for going psycho! Why have I gone psycho? Where the fire, the zeal, the enthusiasm? Why am I not high planning something for International Youth Day Aug 12? Why so dormant?
These could be compelling reasons:
· My Jikri left for Tehrathum only to be back after Dashain.
· Demagogue (that’s my sister) has been beating cum pampering me all day long to treat her with Crunch.
· The other might be because someone joined me for coffee last Tuesday!!
· Or this may be the outcome of seeing too much of people’s Wives And Girlfriends!!!
. And of course my new topless neighbors who seem to experience the heat of Kathmandu like no one else. Man, t-shirt laune ta chance nai chaina! Which means jhyal bata bahira heri saknu Chaina!! hahaha
Hmm but I see a silver lining! I think Work (My bf with whom I date on and off) just wanted to get back with me! Just Pray for me Guys. The relation will make up for a wonderful read to your eyes!!

A Day with a difference

60 days to go! My heart would be racing with joy unable to keep the pace of my life. The countdowns would always start early. You could say I would be Smitten by the Birthday Bug long before my time. And the day would finally arrive Yahoo! My heart would beat with excitement. My Mind be full of incoherent thoughts… breakfast time.. A little bit of excitement, a tinge of nervousness all resulting into a beetroot red face of mine as Princi would put tika on my forehead and the dining halls boom with the “Birthday Song”, the chocolates and the Birthday Bumps. Well, Birthday Bumps are acts where thirteen gals pick up the Birthday Girl and throw her high up in the air and kick her. LOL. The thinner you were the easier, for the healthier ones would leave the rest puffing and panting though “You’re Fat” was never uttered. Action sure speaks louder than words. Those were the days when birthdays really mattered. And School, birthdays and nostalgia. Unlike Modernization, social change and Development can be used synonymously in my life! (Excuse my Exam hangover)

Then the midlife crisis in my Birthday saga when they turned into Days of Embarrassment. The Happy Birthday wishes would feel like a nightmare! The Birthday Bugs turned into Birthday Blues. I longed for the day to get over more than anything else for I just didn’t know what to feel as you were born today, what to say when friends wished “Happy Birthday”, why to thank them when I am not happy…It just felt like “Birthday? So what?” sort of affair. I wouldn’t even write my journal on the 15th of July!

But I had it all worked out this time. Agenda 21:Just Celebrate My Existence! Woke up at 12am sharp and wished myself a Happy Birthday!! Crazy? Kumud called me at around 5 to wish me the same in a sleepy tone. Dhungz smsed me a birthday cake! And though I have absolutely no record of visiting temples on my birthday I did it this time. Took a quick shower and headed for Pashupatinath.

The sight of beggars right in front of the One who is supposed to away with everyone’s sufferings, the Power of Faith and Poverty with a face, the fortunetellers and the fortune makers, Babajis and the nagging babies: temples are a world in itself. And being to such places on your own is the best part. For it is when silence prevails the stimulation of the mind begins. I took off my slippers, switched off my cell phone (it is a new rule, the guard or police makes sure you do it and if your cell has a camera as well you can’t take it inside).Threw a coin at the main gate of Pashupatinath while the policeman was warning me ” Shivaji ko tauko ma lagla”(It might strike Shiva’s head), peeped through a hole to look at the statue of a God I don’t know and dipped my leg in the waters of the Bagmati encouraged by seeing people wash their face with it!!

Then I followed people to go around the maze of Shiva Lingas. I was running my hand through all of them when all of a sudden it struck me “What is this?” Man, you are taking the symbol of Male Sex for God!! I withdrew my hand instantly and almost muttered”Ugh!” and the rest of the journey around the Lingas felt very very uncomfortable. Sorry Lord but being a student of Gender I can’t be practicing things that reinforce patriarchy. I want change, and I am not Alone!

The next stop was aryaghat. The realization of death on the day you were born is a strange feeling. People thronged to offer water on the ‘Brahmanal’, a stone glorified with faith on one side while a body that breathed, walked, laughed only sometime ago blazed in flames all alone. There it lay a cold lifeless integration of systems called body…. and it needs to be reduced to ashes that’s the sole objective. The man added firewood, more and more of it, poked it with a stick and sat down staring at the river smoking a cigarette. I sat there scribbling and observing the man, wondering how it felt to be burning dead bodies day in and out.

Buried, that’s the way I would like to be put to rest I thought. Green grass above me, and dark red roses and fragrant white ‘Indrakamal’ (I don’t know the English name) planted together…..But …Ashes, the thought of being reduced to a handful of ashes is equally tempting!! Everything burns, life does too. Death the only truth of life…I got up to leave appreciating life. That’s the best part of being this age. Childhood passes in a jiffy; teenage comes with its share of tribulations and leaves long before you have get a chance to realize what Sweet Sixteen was all about. But at twenty you see beyond what catches the eye, feel observe and appreciate. And it only gets better with age!!

I walked out smiling at myself when a Babaji stopped me to ask for some money to buy milk! I didn’t bother. “If you give me some money you’ll be blessed with a son” he said. Son! I wanted to scoff at him. I don’t plan on having any, the world is already overpopulated for any more births!

Later in the evening I went out again on a Date. A very Special One: A Date With Myself! The same place, a light brown setting, nice chairs, nice tables and the familiar face of the waiters. Things don’t change, its people that do. I sat in the same place and retraced my path back to the first time I was there and sipped my Cold Coffee. So much has changed since then… I mused and took my time on my money. Took out my journal and started writing, read the newspaper and went through the book. She called, sang the birthday song on the phone while I laughed.

Another one called, on your own? She asked.

“Yah” I replied.

“Come on, don’t feel shy. Tell me. Who are you with?”

“No one”. I said.

And she would just not believe me!!

Is it so hard to believe? If you don’t feel good being around yourself how can you expect others to do the same in your presence! There’s a saying in love which goes,” The gaps in your fingers were made for someone else’s to fill it up. “But I say no one’s fingers fill in the gap as perfectly as your other hand. So much for those lovey dovey stuffs!!

A ‘planned coffee date’ with yourself might sound weird but it is just like walking. Time for Self- Introspection…Time to do some soul searching…and time to move on…

I had a great time! Hope you did too.