Under a lovers’ sky
Gonna be with you
And noone’s gonna be around
If you think that you won’t fall
Well just wait until
Til the sun goes down
Underneath the starlight – starlight
There’s a magical feeling – so right
It’ll steal your heart tonight
Romantic, isn’t it? The girl asked.
Absolutely her friend replied fiddling with a cell phone typing Its Really ROMANTIC here, miss you a lot.
The girl smiled at herself, and for a flicker of second a thought crossed her mind “Wish I had….”. But the sights were too enticing to delve into another of those nonsensical thoughts.
They stood at the steps of the hotel and the girl planned to walk the same path again. Hands in her jacket pockets the thought of the walk has her smiling once again. Often caught off guard doing that her friends think her acts are eccentric. She smiles at that too. A smile, her weapon to confuse people.
The walk begins. He materializes out of the blue. Catches her offguard by linking his arm with hers.
“Don’t,” she says institutively trying to rescue her hand. He’s stronger, she fails.
“You can’t do that, I don’t feel comfortable.”
“Why not?” he asks.
“Just don’t like it, uncomfortable, doesn’t that ring a bell dude??
“Come on, why so uncomfortable? You can trust me. I neither smoke nor drink. You know me.”
She wants to laugh her head off but she giggles remembering her “Sober” criteria.
“Doesn’t matter if you neither smoke nor drink. I am just not comfortable with such acts.” She continues.
“Then here’s your chance to feel comfortable. Try me, you need to get used to it. You won’t get any better opportunity for experimentation than this.”
“Why get used to it?
“Thanks for the tempting experimentation offer but how can you be giving me a chance when I don’t have any choice here? You’re not letting me go??”
“Ok. Point taken. I offer you the opportunity to let go of your uneasiness but you got the right to refuse. I agree he says letting go of her hand.
“Feels a lot better. Great actually.” She tells him.
Weird guy. That’s what she thinks of him. Or why would anyone in their right mind ever want to walk with her of all the people in the world.
Girls are easily swayed. This particular guy supposedly passes for the husband material as they put it. He is often adorned the attributes like sweet, caring, understanding, attentive listener, intellectual and cutely romantic making him the perfect guy. But she’s not them. She loves the idea of being the one that scares men. Loves the status really.Morever frankness is her criteria. A department where very few can beat her. So to hear something like “Experimentation for walking with a guy linking arms” same as a total surprise. A pleasant one really. But she doesn’t understand why the guy’s busy buying chocolates for her friend asking her to “patyaidinu” a large eyed beauty and walking with her talking of whacko experiments.
Men, not something she’ll ever understand. Not something she ever got a chance to understand. And she’s sure not to get any with this “Scare men Project” provoking them to limits or hobby of “Ragging Men” either.
“Why do you feel uncomfortable? He asks bringing her back to reality.
First time a guy ever asked such a question! She takes a mental note and smiles.
“Wanna know?” hmmm she takes her time.
“I live in denial. Everything that’s understood as natural by others seem animalistic to me…
“We are social animals” he pipes in.
“I know that. I just feel that we are meant for something better. There’s more to life, these are too futile and meaningless things to be involved in it…”
“You were a biology student, weren’t you?”
“Yup, no reminder required.”
“So, it’s all natural. You need to accept.”
“Maybe it is. But it’s not the time.”
“Meaning someday the time will come in your case too?”
“No…I don’t see any reason to answer that. From where I stand now “the time or someday” isn’t for me. Some things never change. I will always be in denial and feel better on my own. Always.
“No you won’t. You won’t be alone.”
“What the hell! How can you say that? I make the choice, don’t I?”
“You do. But you won’t be Alone. Tyo hunasakdaina. (That can’t happen) ….Will you ever change your sim? Don’t hai. Then we will still be in touch and that day you’ll remember me…no, I think we should be together. We should study together yaar.”
“You are nuts”. She answers with a laugh.
Me 🙂 beside Fewa lake ( Pic by Sushil dai)
Conversations, she’s never had any normal talk with anyone. Normal people come to her and grow abnormal. Sometimes in solitude she attempts to unravel the mystery. Is it her eccentricity that gets transferred to people or it is abnormal territories she ventures into while with people? Normalancy is only in solitude. Perhaps she is a narcissist. Too preoccupied with herself to see the importance of people around her…perhaps she fears losing herself in the process of knowing people…perhaps she’s just different…
They walk in silence. It’s a beautiful night.
“Shall we sit on the sidewalk?” She asks.
Sure. He answers.
A friend passes by saying “So, you’re together. Let me take a picture.”
“Khatra nikal hai”(Take a nice pic) he suggests.
“Come closer” the photographer jokes.
“Can I?” he puts on a gentlemanly act making her laugh once again.
Funny she thinks to herself. I wonder why I didn’t create a scene before taking the picture. Perhaps I have grown up!!
“Don’t you want to walk with her rather, she is all alone.” She asks him indicating a girl at a distance. “I have a strong feeling that you’ll get married someday” She laughs.
“Ma ke bhanu. Hatkelala surya lai chekera chekinna (What can I say? You can’t block the sun with your hand).
“Your favorite lines, these days I gather.” she says.
“Whatever you say.”
“So, how’s life these days?” she makes an attempt to talk sense.
“My intellectual growth has been nil since the last few months.”
“I am surprised.” she tells him. “How’s that?”
“Haven’t you noticed my silence in the class?”
“No, I always hear you asking questions.”
“I do but it’s not like before. And look at what I have become. I was someone who hardly knew the name of any girl in my class in the +2, barely looked at any, and never listened to Hindi songs as they depict the Indian influence on us. Look at me now; here I am dancing with girls?? Dancing!! I have gone astray from my goal…..”
“Nah. That’s the way it was supposed to be. You can’t keep clinging to your past, to who you were, or what you did. Everything changes with time. You are happy aren’t you? What with the Hindi songs? It’s a fact you can’t change. Your denying it won’t change it.”
“Still it could have made a difference.”
“You know there was a time I thought like you. Never get married, be on a mission of changing…..He talks of the things he dreamt of. “And then I know I would be pressurized to settle down someday..still I would find an excuse for this and that…
She remembers conversing with him in the morning. He’d said ” Know what..there was a time I thought this isn’t the time to be involved in love affairs and things like that. But I have found out that you can always find time for it if you want.”
“Someone as busy as you too!” she had asked.
She had laughed on the alley. Hahahahaha
They walk, sometimes she laughs, other times he questions “Would you mind if I asked you…”
She answers and they move on.
“We think similar” he goes.
She roars with laughter.
“Are you bored with me?” he asks after sometime.
“No, I’m not.”She answers. “I have an entire lifetime to be on my own, whole life for solitary walks so I enjoy having a company by my side once in a while…
He cuts her short again by stressing “she won’t be alone”…tyo hundaina( that won’t happen)..
She is in no mood to debate that again. She’s busy smiling at herself…musing what is wrong with this guy??? Which one is more of a dangerous affair: listening to a drunken man or a sober one??
Its her turn to talk now. She’s telling him something when a group of guys come and whisk him away.
“Will be back. Ekai chin hai ( just a few seconds)” she can hear him say but she doesn’t wait.
The music store’s playing:
“I have seen peace.
I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name.
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on my shoulder,
I’m a friend.”
Unbelievable timing, she thinks and lingers in front of the store. A beautiful night indeed. She heads towards her destination. Enters the room and throws herself on the bed. Too tired to think anything she soon falls asleep wondering “Who is it that I scare, Men?? or is it the men that scare me. Hope I do, but I’ll never know that until this “know not what to make of it” conversations with men come to an end…….”
Gonna take a miracle top save you this time
And your savior has just left town
Gonna need a miracle
cause your hearts doing time
And your conscience is calling you out
It aint all for nothing
Life aint written in the sand
I know the tide is coming
But its time we made a stand
With a miracle