decembers come…

A grand closing to the year 2006. Written by a close friend of mine! None other than Hysh, Its beautiful 🙂

decembers come…
Life is too hard to explain in words…..its too complex. Paintings can merely grasp its outcome, but never its essence. Poetry can only weave life’s trials and happiness into rhyme, but never fully explain its existence. Words…words can do nothing in the aweness of life….

Its december again….frost gathers on everything at the mercy of the night. A year has come and gone. Has anything changed I wonder. What have I become? what has life made of me? each second I have learnt something new….about life, about the people around me, about people unconnected to me in any way, about things that cause me to ponder. I know I am losing time, because time is slipping between my fingers, like sea sand, or the sand in a time tuner. slipping…..slipping away….

I am losing something precious every second, and yet each second I am moving closer to something beautiful….i fear I lose both, I fear I gain nothing. I fear I shall stop fearing. I look around me and I am having the best time of my life yet, Masha Allah its been so good, so easy and yet soo soooo hard. Do u know how hard it is? The pain and the laughter merge to form the fabric of my life. The intensity of hurt, the need to do something. Something …i dont know what. The ache since childhood, is still undefined and still unrealized. I have still not found what out what it is, what it draws me to.

I have loved this year, given my heart away, sealed it in the security of someone elses. And I have new found relationships that I know I must honor, treasure and protect.

I have new found ambitions that have taken the place of the ambitions I lost this year, the dreams I gave up. And I gave up many. It turns out that you cant really have everything, that for the 100 things you want, to achieve 50 u need to give 50 up….its the ironic compromise of life, remember I said that.

This year took me by suprise, took many who knew me by suprise, and yet I felt as if everything was happening just the way it was meant to, despite it being good or bad. I’ve lost and I’ve won, and I merely played along, and I was spectator, and the patient one, the angry one, the stubborn one, the mean one and I cried, and I died a little, lived somemore, loved a hell of a lot, I waited and I made others wait, I gave up and I held on, I reached out and I reached in, I swore this year-used the “F” word for the first time, and I laughed, and joked and sang, and fought, and smiled and I was happiest and saddest this year and I was me all along….

Yes, Everything has changed, but Gods given us the uncanny ability to adapt to change without compromising the core of our being. I have changed in ways I cant believe, and I have reached something, and become someone, I have come a distance, I have crossed the crossroads and ventured beyond. And I have become someone older, wiser. Life has merely done what its being ordained to do by the Controller, and its molded me into what I am, and what I am to become…..and I’ll defend it with all my might.

“I love the time and inbetween, the calm inside me. In a space where I can breath, I believe, there is a distance I have wondered, to touch upon the years….” – Haley (OST One Tre Hill)

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4 comments

  1. 2006, the year. Je bho yehi barsa bho 😉 Is there anything more to life than this.?. I wonder. But I guess that’s just the oversmart kid in me thinking “I’ve seen the world!”. ..reminds me of a close fren telling me NO SILLY GAL YOU HAVEN’T..this pace of time amazes me soo…..kasto manche thiye, kasto naive..this year turned me real chalu! ha ha ha ( bloggin was a catalyst too)… slowing getting to know the ways of the world..

    N dear friend, as usual your Words and My exact sentiments..this year’s brought us so close hai, there was a time when I thought you were gone for good. Yah you surely took everyone around you by total surprise, by that!!

    It turns out that you cant really have everything, that for the 100 things you want, to achieve 50 u need to give 50 up….its the ironic compromise of life, remember I said that.

    Really?? I wouldn’t want anything more if I had to give up 50 of what I have!! Compromise..I hate the word, ma ta kahile gardina hola..but yes there’s a lot I haven’t seen in tis wild world….n if there comes I time when I do. I will surely remember u hons 🙂

    the angry one, the stubborn one, the mean one and I cried, and I died a little, lived somemore, loved a hell of a lot, I waited and I made others wait, I gave up and I held on, I reached out and I reached in, I swore this year-used the “F” word for the first time, and I laughed, and joked and sang, and fought, and smiled and I was happiest and saddest this year and I was me all along….

    Ah..anger, I never knew I could get sooo angry as I did this year! And you make me real angry too, bring out the baby in me, in your words. lol And Stubborn! we could compete and figure who is more ha ha ha ani the other thing is surely the use of certain Words..me too started this year..I think I broke all boundaries by steppin into those territories! Kya change , you know…the me now isn’t even close to what I thought I would ever be..back in school….

    I have changed in ways I cant believe, and I have reached something, and become someone, I have come a distance, I have crossed the crossroads and ventured beyond. And I have become someone older, wiser.

    Man, i know why we get along yaar. ke ho ditto experiences..and around the same time.. Can I admit I feel I have become someone, reached a distance and thanked this existence because I have come to know someone like you Better? 🙂 You are my inspiration Man

    This year: The Most Happening Year of my life too!! la ta wise one all the best for agrri test 2 morow..and c ya…keep those Free voicemails coming 😉

    And in the end I would like sing another song for you

    ” Sometimes I feel this life without you.
    Most times I’m so glad that I found you..”

    May our crazy, mindblowing, psycho conversations over coffee, aalu paratha and fried rice, tato momos…laughing in every mundane thing, debating on Why men are morons? why its women who are morons infact!ha ha ha , figuring out why the anger, why wars, discussing what it takes to save the world? getting charged up after guest lecturers talk of transitional justice..listening 2 GT..
    this zeal, this josh, and josh ma gumeko hosh keep our Spirits Alive And Kicking!

    ( look at you, you’ve brought out the baby in me once again and made me babble sooo much 🙂 )

  2. Hmm..and the search for the existence continues and the journey is on…
    Here is wishing a lot more to life in 2007.
    And words frm one tree hill…amazing nah??
    A great read it was!!

  3. Hi there,

    This is to inform you and request your participation for an exclusive story ‘THROUGH THE LENS OF BLOGGERS’ due to be published in Kathmandu Infotiser, the leading and largest selling youth magazine of Nepal. Infotiser has been in the market for more than four years with a monthly circulation of more than 25,000 copies and the number is increasing every month. It has been actively advocating issues of youth interest and concern – from politics to entertainment, and from psychological counseling to sexual health.

    Since we found it hard to contact all the Nepali bloggers individually, we have been circulating this request letter through the web asking for your participation. We know you have many thoughts on various topics. We know you want to share it and empower the fellow generation for the sake of a united voice, to change the future course of the nation (political or otherwise).

    For its January issue, Infotiser is trying to collect the views of young Nepali bloggers spread throughout the world. We hope to receive your thoughts on one of the following topics:

    • The concept of ‘New Nepal’ OR
    • Why do you blog?

    Your responses will be published in our magazine and also be put on our website http://www.infotiser.com.np.

    We look forward to your response by 10 January 2007. Our magazine will go to the press by the 15th of January.

    Thank you,

    The Infotiser Team

    (Please send in your views at infotiser@wlink.com.np. The subject of your e-mail should be ‘blogger response’. For further details, contact Gaurab @ 977-4429816, 4429893)

    (Please mention your full name, blogging address, and send your photograph too)

    Visit Infotiser.com.np to know more about the magazine.

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