A grand closing to the year 2006. Written by a close friend of mine! None other than Hysh, Its beautiful 🙂
Life is too hard to explain in words…..its too complex. Paintings can merely grasp its outcome, but never its essence. Poetry can only weave life’s trials and happiness into rhyme, but never fully explain its existence. Words…words can do nothing in the aweness of life….
Its december again….frost gathers on everything at the mercy of the night. A year has come and gone. Has anything changed I wonder. What have I become? what has life made of me? each second I have learnt something new….about life, about the people around me, about people unconnected to me in any way, about things that cause me to ponder. I know I am losing time, because time is slipping between my fingers, like sea sand, or the sand in a time tuner. slipping…..slipping away….
I am losing something precious every second, and yet each second I am moving closer to something beautiful….i fear I lose both, I fear I gain nothing. I fear I shall stop fearing. I look around me and I am having the best time of my life yet, Masha Allah its been so good, so easy and yet soo soooo hard. Do u know how hard it is? The pain and the laughter merge to form the fabric of my life. The intensity of hurt, the need to do something. Something …i dont know what. The ache since childhood, is still undefined and still unrealized. I have still not found what out what it is, what it draws me to.
I have loved this year, given my heart away, sealed it in the security of someone elses. And I have new found relationships that I know I must honor, treasure and protect.
I have new found ambitions that have taken the place of the ambitions I lost this year, the dreams I gave up. And I gave up many. It turns out that you cant really have everything, that for the 100 things you want, to achieve 50 u need to give 50 up….its the ironic compromise of life, remember I said that.
This year took me by suprise, took many who knew me by suprise, and yet I felt as if everything was happening just the way it was meant to, despite it being good or bad. I’ve lost and I’ve won, and I merely played along, and I was spectator, and the patient one, the angry one, the stubborn one, the mean one and I cried, and I died a little, lived somemore, loved a hell of a lot, I waited and I made others wait, I gave up and I held on, I reached out and I reached in, I swore this year-used the “F” word for the first time, and I laughed, and joked and sang, and fought, and smiled and I was happiest and saddest this year and I was me all along….
Yes, Everything has changed, but Gods given us the uncanny ability to adapt to change without compromising the core of our being. I have changed in ways I cant believe, and I have reached something, and become someone, I have come a distance, I have crossed the crossroads and ventured beyond. And I have become someone older, wiser. Life has merely done what its being ordained to do by the Controller, and its molded me into what I am, and what I am to become…..and I’ll defend it with all my might.
“I love the time and inbetween, the calm inside me. In a space where I can breath, I believe, there is a distance I have wondered, to touch upon the years….” – Haley (OST One Tre Hill)