She often comes up with smart things to say. For instance, her take on this Dashain is “I don’t know if it is Dashain or Easter?” If you got it at one read then well, think you are smart. If not here’s the explanation. There’s no Dashain for us this year, some one passed away. I have never really enjoyed going to knock the door of all my relatives in Dashain, actually hated doing that. (Both of us). But this having no option “not to go” anywhere is really killing me. Yesterday was “Tika”. It was just another day at home for us. I’ve always liked putting Tika and getting the blessings that follows. I mean, its a culture I cherish, the Tika and Jamara..a rich culture with so many stories behind it from Lord Rama to Mahisasur.And it feels real good that the festival is actually celebrating the “Strength of a Woman”. The Power of Goddesses, It makes me feel powerful too!
Nothing of that kind this year. An hour feels like a day! So I am doing my best to keep myself engaged. I’ve been mostly spending my time in front of the computer typing in Nepali and making movies of myself. For entertainment there is the overdose of family jokes at the dining table. Mostly they are about me and even so I laugh like a “Lati” as I’m nicknamed. I don’t know why I laugh but can’t help it. That justifies why I am Lati I guess. Now, don’t you dare laugh at that!
Then the evenings, the time to turn off the computer and engage in some active thinking. Thoughts of her, thoughts of studies and fears about future. It’s a headache. The best way would be to stop trying to figure out this life. I want to accept it all as is but I can’t stop questioning. Why that? Why not this? Why not me, why she? Why there, why not here? The 20th reminds me of her. Why my friend, wasn’t I enough of a loner? I wish for college to start, the same place I would despise going to if she never came. It used to feel alien without her. It doesn’t anymore. It’s a place I am engaged if not anything else. There’s no Tehrathum calling in my cellphone this Dashain either. That makes for a different Dashain altogther. …….and this writing is only saddening me…
Let me hop to something else. Something that struck me as I was walking on the wide, empty roads of Kathmandu some days back. There used to be this “Sweet” shop in Minbhawan, served okay “coffee” but good “banana lassi”. It has now been replaced by a “Tandoori Pasal”. I looked at the Pasal (shop) and grew philosophical (damn my name) thinking “Isn’t it like life itself? Eventually everything is replaced whether you like it or not. And the ones that can’t be replaced, or leave an empty space there’s no way other that wait for time to fill it up..” And then I tried calling a friend of mine. First the line was busy later no one was picking up the phone. I stopped trying and jumped into another conclusion “Life’s like a missed call. It’s the moment that matters. You fail to respond the instant and then its all gone…like a missed opportunity.” I bet these things sound really stupid but are the outcome of a long walk from Kumari cinema back home. I had gone to watch Bourne Ultimatum (sadly alone) and had to engage in something to enjoy the walk didn’t I? He he he so much for philosophies!
Sorry, if you expected anything sensible in this blog.
Welcome back to Reality! 🙂