I love you, but you love meat:Many vegetarians say they cannot date anyone who eats meat

An interesting article for People in love with a different preference of food..Early in the month of February, we( a bunch of girls from school) got together in NDs as usual and the discussion shifted to men cause two of my friends were about to get married then, ( one did a week back) ..and the conversation, for a little while, revolved around the prospective as well as the ‘men’ in our lives.. Everyone’s pride was “He Doesn’t Drink”, THANK GOD. Others were “occasionally”..and so on and so forth. And as most of us there were Veggies too, “the guy” being one mattered too.

Two guys, with ditto traits , but one’s a veggie, the other’s not then I would close my eyes and choose the veg! ( as if I got any choice!) πŸ˜‰ Still, that’s a thought. The bottom line is Food Matters! Or else, we would all rather date on the railings of sidewalks than have coffees, wouldn’t we? And its hard looking at the carnivorous man, tearing the “Masu” from the bone across the table if you are a veg! So , this should make a good read. Njoy!

I love you, but you love meat:Many vegetarians say they cannot date anyone who eats meat
By Kate Murphy

Some relationships run aground on the perilous shoals of money, sex or religion. When Shauna James’s new romance hit the rocks, the culprit was wheat.

“I went out with one guy who said I seemed really great but he liked bread too much to date me,” said James, 41, a writer in Seattle who cannot eat gluten, a protein found in wheat, barley and rye.

Sharing meals has always been an important courtship ritual and a metaphor for love. But in an age when many people define themselves by what they will eat and what they won’t, dietary differences can put a strain on a romantic relationship. The culinary camps have become so balkanized that some factions consider interdietary dating taboo.

No-holds-barred carnivores, for example, may share the view of Anthony Bourdain, who wrote in his book “Kitchen Confidential” that “vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans … are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit.”

Returning the compliment, many vegetarians say they cannot date anyone who eats meat. Vegans, who avoid eating not just animals but animal-derived products, take it further, shivering at the thought of kissing someone who has even sipped honey-sweetened tea.

Lisa Romano, 31, a vegan, said she recently ended a relationship with a man who enjoyed backyard grilling. He had no problem searing her vegan burgers alongside his beef patties, but she found the practice unenlightened and disturbing.

While some eaters may elevate morality above hedonism, others are suspicious of anyone who does not give in to the pleasure principle.

Judging from postings at food Web sites like chowhound.com and slashfood.com, people seem more willing to date those who restrict their diet for health or religion rather than mere dislike.

Typical sentiments included: “Medical and religious issues I can work around as long as the person is sincere and consistent, but flaky, picky cheaters – no way” and “picky eaters are remarkably unsexy.”

Jennifer Esposito, 28, an image consultant who lives in Rye Brook, New York, lived for four years with a man who ate only pizza, noodles with butter and the occasional baked potato.

“It was really frustrating because he refused to try anything I made,” she said. They broke up. “Food is a huge part of life,” she said. “It’s something I want to be able to share.”

A year ago Esposito met and married Michael Esposito, 51, who, like her, is an adventurous and omnivorous eater. Now, she said, she could not be happier. “A relationship is about giving and receiving, and he loves what I cook, and I love to cook for him,” she said.

Food has a strong subconscious link to love, said Kathryn Zerbe, a psychiatrist. That is why refusing a partner’s food “can feel like rejection,” she said.

As with other differences couples face, tolerance and compromise are essential at the dinner table, marital therapists said. “If you can’t allow your partner to have latitude in what he or she eats, then maybe your problem isn’t about food,” said Susan Jaffe, a psychiatrist.

Dynise Balcavage, 42, an associate creative director at an advertising agency and vegan who lives in Philadelphia, said she has been happily married to her omnivorous husband, John Gatti, 53, for seven years.

“We have this little dance we’ve choreographed in the kitchen,” she said. She prepares vegan meals and averts her eyes when he adds anchovies or cheese. And she does not show disapproval when he orders meat in a restaurant.

“I’m not a vegangelical,” she said. “He’s an adult and I respect his choices just as he respects mine.”

In deference to his wife, Gatti has cut back substantially on his meat consumption and no longer eats veal. For her part, Balcavage cooks more Italian dishes, her husband’s favorite.

In New York City, Yoshie Fruchter and his girlfriend, Leah Koenig, still wrestle with their dietary differences after almost two years together. He is kosher and she is vegetarian. They eat vegetarian meals at her apartment, where he keeps his own set of dishes and utensils. When eating out they mostly go to kosher restaurants, although they “aren’t known for inspired cuisine,” said Koenig, 25, who works for a nonprofit environmental group.

Though the couple occasionally visit nonkosher restaurants, Fruchter, 26, a musician, said he has to order carefully to avoid violating kosher rules. “We’re still figuring out how this is going to work,” he said. “We’re both making sacrifices, which is what you do when you’re in love.”

Even couples who have been eating together happily for years can be thrown into disarray when one partner suddenly takes up a new diet. After 19 years of marriage, Steve Benson unsettled his wife, Jean, when he announced three years ago that he would no longer eat meat, for ethical reasons.

Another concern was whether she would be able to cook vegetarian meals that would meet the nutritional needs of everyone in the family, including their teenage daughter. “I wanted us all to eat the same thing for pragmatic, household economy reasons, but also because that’s part of being a family,” Benson said.

So, she cooks vegetarian dinners and makes lunches for herself and her daughter that include meat. She and her daughter have “meat parties” when Benson goes out of town, she said.

“There’s this feeling that if we eat the same thing then we are the same thing, and if we don’t, we’re no longer unified,” Zerbe said. She and Jaffe said sharing food is an important ritual that enhances relationships. They advise interdietary couples to find meals they can both enjoy. “Or at least a side dish,” Zerbe said.

For people who like to cook, learning to bridge the dietary divide can be an enjoyable puzzle. James, the gluten-averse writer, eventually found a man who did not love by bread alone. On her first date with Daniel Ahern, in 2006, she told him that she was gluten-free; he saw it as a professional challenge.

“As a chef, it has given me the opportunity to experiment with new ingredients to create things she can eat,” said Ahern. James said she fell in love with him after he made her a gluten-free salad of frisΓ©e, poached egg and bacon. They married in September.

Since then, Ahern has given up eating bread at home, though he still eats it when he goes out. For her part, James has begun eating offal and foie gras, which were once anathema. “We’ve changed each other,” she said.

Courtesy : International Herald Tribune

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14 comments

  1. do u have to be a veggie to get into ur college? really u grasseaters r ok in these days of bird flu n mad cow what what but shouldn’t stray onto masu eaters terrain. i mean “veg momo” – surely an oxymoron?maybe we need autonomous food states…

  2. i was very happy when i first read this article,i found new taste on reading this,something contrast from other.i hope k many other different articles may published which would be totally different than other. keep it up and the one geniune thing is that all the vege don’t go along with the meat eater………..

  3. nice article, and very true too. u can’t expect veggies to get cuddly with someone who’s breath stinks of meat. n the carnivore, if he or she really cares about his or her vegan half, should at least have the decency to avoid meat at the presence of the other. baahira j khaye pani k matlab, usko agadi nakhaikana basna ta sakcha hola ni. n it really pisses me off when a group of meat eaters have to have a singai kukhura which costs an arm and a leg in the remote parts of nepal n the vegans have to chip in for such ‘luxury’ as well. m talking abt a particular someone i know who has to gobble the vegan share like he hasn’t eaten for days n then proceed to gobble the poor chicken as well.

    please guys, have a bit of decency and consideration towards the others. and for god’s sake, please don’t make others pay for your carnivorous desires.

  4. Ha ha ha! I wonder who that EATER is? Still there is the other kind of carnivores too who think they are doing a GREAT favor to the vegetarians if they state: ” Oh yah, that’s good. I’m thinkin of turning into a veg myself.” As if saying that will make them look any better in our eyes! They are the sayers.

    The other kind resolves to be veg every once a month and have to repeat their ‘attempt’ at being veg, as if its the most interesting thing for the poor vegetarian listener! That leaves me to stick to the notion:You can never trust a carnivore! πŸ˜‰

    N I think Roark and Dominique have a rather, Impossible kind of love story in Fountainhead.the ending thereby made me happy..a great book nevertheless..idealistic yet real. No success comes without a bit of idealism mero bicharma, ki hoina?

  5. true. i switch every few years – its like a cycle for me…5 years vegetarian, other 5 non-veggie, and so on… but is carnivore the right term for us, i always though myself as an omnivore πŸ˜‰

  6. i felt sorry for gail wynand – the man who could be. 😦 roark seems too cold for emotions (though not quite true) so it’d feel ok even if he didnt get dominique at the end. maybe i’d have liked it better if roark had been jailed or sth.. sth of a tragic note. but then ayn rand obviously wanted the ‘ideal man’ to win in the end – the man who ought to be. but it’s a lot of idealism stuffed into a single man, that’s probably impossible but then who knows. i like the way writers often pick out not-so-good-looking people and turn them into heroes. u start liking them by understanding what’s inside them n a ‘good lookin’ picture of tht person comes into ur mind whenever u think abt him/her (u tend to forget that he’s an ugly podgy man) , unlike in movies where u start liking the bodily features of peter ( ? ) – the ‘spiderman’ boy halfway thru the movie because he can pull stunts like that.

    it’s always a dissappointment watching movies made out of novel that u have read. it really spoils the imaginary world we’ve created while reading the story.

    ani ‘no success comes without a bit of realism ‘ bhanna le k bhanna khojnu bhayeko ho ni? maile ta bujhina

  7. mp ji lai euta sano kura….. dherai omnivore ko jigyasa chahin ‘veggie le khas ma k khancha? ‘ bhanne huncha. most of their diet consists of meat. carnivores le birami hunda herbs n leaves khoje jastai manche omnivores le kahile kahin saag paat khane hola bhanera hami dui veggies le sabai omni ko naam carni rakhi diyeko. no confusion.

  8. well, thanks for clarification k ji, i happen to be the type of “carnivore” who enjoys ghas-paat most of the time and only eat meat “birami huda”…by the way, i was thinking it would be fun to put my own little story titled “i love you AND meat, but you love ghas-paat” – but may be later…

  9. no offense to any carnivore in the whole wide world. m just asking for a little consideration when it comes eatin out with a veggie, especially when it comes to couples. m not against meat or its eaters. ‘i love u and meat, BUT U LOVE GHASPAAT ‘ in like accusing all women of being ‘aggressive’ feminists (don’t rem the exact word though i’ve heard of it umpteem times from my teacher who also happens to be the ‘aggressive’ type of feminist, though, of course, she vehmently denies the fact). anyway, it’s goin out of course now. so lets say that ppl have every right to choose their own diet but no right to expect warm loving feelings from the ones whom they happen to offend due to their very choice of diet at just the wrong time.

  10. got the word ! its ‘radical feminists’ . remembered it while i was doin the dishes. n my apologies to mp ji. m sure u didn’t mean any of the things i accused u of. u were just going by the title of the article. just made a fuss about nothing, maybe because of my empty stomach. now that i’ve fed myself, i see my mistake. sorry 😦

    hey zade, kaha harako ho bhanya? naak mukh dekhdina ba? timro class ma ta baahaar nai aayecha ni, char jana le gpa 4 lyayera. bachhu sir le jasmine ko grade sheet herera maile 4 payein bhanera halla failaidinu bhayecha. mishra sir le congrats bhanna aaunda laaj laagera aayo 😦

  11. hahaha , well is it all of us from school or only you and me? Our anger level shoots up like anything when hungry doesn’t it ?And that angry Young Lady is visible to everyone!

    We don’t have PH on Tue/Wednesday so that was the reason for not seeing my nak cum mukh in college. Anyways hajur ko result yesai babbal nai vayo hola ni. Congrats for whatever the grades πŸ™‚

    Btw watched “Apple-cart” yesterday. It’s an insult to the cult of acting, I say! As for the Fountainhead discussion above, I meant success doesn’t come to people who aren’t ideal in one way or the other, whatever that be .. Though ideals cannot be attained, the attempt to reach them makes a difference vaneko. As for the Peter Keating looks and Roark character, I liked Roark , no sooner the book began with him standing on the rock….( not because that’s the Titanic pose πŸ™‚ ) And is he ugly? I think I painted a pic of him in my head disregarding the descriptions then….

    Still the one part ( among many), I disagree with Roark is when he tells Keating , its too late for him ( as Peter shows him his paintings in the later part of the book)..must be because I think it is never toooo late to mend ( i.e if you REALLY WANT THE CHANGE). even so Roark is too pretentious when it comes to his emotions, still I think that sheer dedication to his work is a lot of emotions too…remember that pic of Roark looking up at his building Gail Wynand has in his drawer? I picturized his look, and m in love with it!!hahaha Infact I was so in love with Roark while reading the book that his finding Dominique left me a bit sad 😦 , however I coped with her thinking ok…. she’s a D at least ! Had Roark been jailed, I would be devastated !!

    The truth, the deserving always wins in the end as it should hoina ra? Or is it a hoax too? I hope not…. that would really depress me ….

  12. i can totally understand HUNGER and ANGER going together, so no need for apologies πŸ™‚ but i couldn’t help noticing in your comments the presumption of “vegetarians” being primarily female. it may be true…however, in my story (partly factual by the way) “i love u and meat, BUT U LOVE GHASPAAT”, the meat lover happens to be a female…and this poor vegetarian chap risks being dumped for being a vegetarian! this reversal in gender from most of the stories/comments above reminded me of the story (its probably jotted somewhere in my organised chaos, if i find it, will certainly post!)

    sounds like you’re all extra-hard-working students, getting gpa 4!! congratulations (to those who didn’t as well – practical/applicable knowledge is important, and grade isn’t everything πŸ™‚ )

    sorry for the lecture πŸ™‚

  13. hey z,
    i didn’t mean peter keating, i meant ‘peter’ the superman when he’s just a boy n how i can’t imagine the thin lil boy turning all muscular n athletic when he swings between those scrapers.

    liked the title of the book, though, ‘fountainhead’, the starting point of any construction work.

    n mp ji, good luck with ur story. i must agree that we almost always presume vegetarians to be female. n we’re not extra-hard-working students who always get gpa 4. last sem, i made a fool out of myself by announcing tht i’d get a new cell for myself if i got a 4, to anyone who’d listen. was so sure of myself. 😦 sadly, i ended up with Bs in 2 subs that were the simplest of all. i’ve stopped bragging since then. teti bela pani malai bhok lageko thiyo hola, ali dherai din last hune bhok, which ended the moment of my result. tes pachi tanna bho….dherai B le.

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