ramblings

अजनबी शेहेरमे जिन्दगी मिल्गयी

अजीब हे ये जिन्दगी ए जिन्दगी अजिब हे

His apartment was the perfect Bachelor’s abode. Smart and clean furnishing. And Bangkok. He’d left his 60GB iPod beside the music system. The volume was loud and a cool breeze was blowing in the room from the verandah. Now and then someone would get up to dance. I don’t think anyone danced to this number “Ajnabi” from the movie Jannemann. But this song, whenever or wherever played reminds me of that evening in Bangkok. It could be the dramatization of reality but I think she was out in the verandah engulfed in the “ bhid mein vi he tanhayi” sorrow as she had told me of . And I’m listening to the very song right now…actually it’s already moved on to “Saun dard” …..Still as good as the last one..and I still get the Bangkok feeling 🙂

This break has come after a really loooong time, I’m supposed to be happy but I feel unaccustomed to it!

रुखि रुखि से ए हवा

अौर सुखि पत्तेकी तरा

शेहेरोकी सडकको में लावारिस उड्ता हुवा

सौ रास्ते पर तेरी राहा नही

Initially I thought I wouldn’t last in the place, even for a week. I was suffocating and at times I had the urge to put my legs up on the computer table. I had to fight the urge, the silence, the strange air filled with the smell of the Battery backup. Not that I didn’t ask myself the question “Why am I here?” a hundred times but it seemed as though I was just destined to be there. Be there working with someone with the same name as my ex-friend. I wonder what he’s up to these days, but why bother. There was a time I didn’t believe in seasonality of friends, now I do. True, so true that you meet some people for a reason, some a season and some are there for forever, there’s no option and no choice either.

The good thing then, was I had focus. Three months was for the thesis. Entirely for the thesis, no point in worrying about a job, there was no point in thinking about it all. Then this came, why did it come? I don’t think he even knew my name, barely noticed my existence in the class. But then it came. I had the choice, I made it. Now, I think I have lost focus. I’ve lost that zeal to get it done. It feels as though nothing exists now, other than the project. Nothing but UPOV, ABS and PIC.My world revolves around them. But the fact is I haven’t graduated already to lose focus. Oh God, who’ll remind me that I haven’t done what I ought to DO. It’s only an illusion. And I needn’t be completely immersed in it too, not yet. I think I’m running away, it’s such an easy excuse to rather think of the project than think of ‘my project’. It’s interrelated but it isn’t the SAME.

What am I looking forward too? Why am I waiting for Godot? Why the hell, am I waiting for anything? Nothing’s happening, until I make it happen.

Am bored of everything around.

Great that the Maoists are winning. No one ever supported them openly but seems like everyone wants to give them a chance. I would like to meet her one of these days. She must be really glad and maybe this time she can explain to me the fallacies of the current political divisions as well. But why the communists are so illogical at times, after a while I loose all interest to be a part of the conversation because of their idealist views. Still with the Maoists emerging as a clear winner in a relatively free and fair elections ( cancellation of voting in 60 booths in a total of over twenty thousand isn’t bad) am wondering if my per-capita income will indeed be 3000$ in 10 years too!! Who knows, at times I feel it isn’t USA that is the land of dreams but Nepal .You just need to dare to dream. (Too optimistic you could say. Well, I am and proud to be one too. I say, everyone should be!)More than a decade of war and now they are the People’s Choice. What can I say? You never know what’s next. After ten years of armed struggle, I think, the Maoists in spite of their fallacies can be expected to be more committed to change than the rest. If they fail, well, they’ll have a tougher time than other parties too. A Maoist voter was saying on TV,” We want change, so we voted for the Maoists. We’re giving them a chance. But if they fail us, there will be another revolution.”

And Jhakku Prasad Subedi , a Maoist candidate wins from KTM-2 , the place I voted too! Lau badhai cha Jhakku Ji . Aba kehi naya garnos sambidhanmai matra vayeni!

That’s life for now. Elections and election result. The year 2064 ends today and hopefully a fresh start for Nepal from Baisakh 1, 2065 starting tomorrow. A fresh start for me too. I need IT. I wish for the completion of ‘my project’, more work, less leisure (no time for people esp. Bhaukhojuwas) and lots and lots of travel (far far from the madding crowd in the spur of the moment, ability to vanish whenever I wish too)….and anything to rock my existence, unexpected little joys now and then to spice up life…won’t settle for anything less… No compromises and no promises…..

walking in gorkha
Self-portrait of my Shadow in Gorkha, wish myself lots and lots of occasions to do the same in 2065 as well 🙂

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One comment

  1. That’s life for now. Elections and election result. The year 2064 ends today and hopefully a fresh start for Nepal from Baisakh 1, 2065 starting tomorrow. A fresh start for me too. I need IT. I wish for the completion of ‘my project’, more work, less leisure (no time for people esp. Bhaukhojuwas) and lots and lots of travel (far far from the madding crowd in the spur of the moment, ability to vanish whenever I wish too)….and anything to rock my existence, unexpected little joys now and then to spice up life…won’t settle for anything less… No compromises and no promises…..

    Good4U. Happy New Year!

    🙂

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