The worst thing for me, concerning this blog is how it ends on a heavily sentimental note. (.i.e) a emotion-laden entry is the first post on the screen. I don’t intend to but the impulsion to write, is only there when the ’emotions’ are felt. Anything else would make up for a ‘jhyas’ reading or not give any peace of mind to the writer as well. Not that, THAT, Is the only thing capable of instigating any emotion but it’s a more blissful experience doing go, owing to the hypothesis that it is like establishing some kind of connection with the intangible. Quite a number of things have propelled me to ‘write’ in my mind in the recent days though. All of them being political, though the ‘thoughts’ generated were on being personally exposed to such political realities. One was on attending a program titled ‘Indigenous Communities and Biodiversity” while the other was a meeting at a Ministry and also a short speech given by a secretary of a ministry in yet another program in a five-star hotel. I’d thought of penning down my thoughts as articles but they took a backseat on being asked to write something ‘serious’ with specific suggestion ‘not to have any dramatic element’ in them like in other ‘articles’ I have written for the papers. Well, with the global attention on ‘Jaibik bibidhata’ and also the occasion of International Day on Biodiversity (May 22) something had to be done as a duty, thereby the rest never materialized (though the issues could be contemporary and still create some buzz). Nonetheless, getting back to ‘jaibik bibidhata’ ( biodiversity) I just realized that unfortunately I can’t be Dictated or Be Told What to Do, especially when it concerns my writings. Thereby though I did do the assignment I opted for a different language and the output is yet to be seen (on which I have no control). And I have a feeling; it’s only me who will be able to comprehend whatever I have written till this point!
College’s over, but this ‘work’ (internship) has cushioned the shock of the reality to a good extent. Things that need to be done have taken the place of things that I will never be able to do now. Though college, isn’t over-over as such, with one assignment to submit and of course the final exams and I can’t miss out on the ‘thesis’ (project work), regular college days are surely over. I was nostalgic during the time we were rehearsing the drama (for the college day, a month or so back) but the nostalgia exists no more. It all feels like a part of a circle, moving from one phase to the other. Wake up, drink milk (that’s a complete diet!), come to work, go home, have dinner, set the alarm, go to sleep. Nothing eventful but engagement is what I need and I have got that. I wanted to make the Saturday a bit interesting for a change by going to watch “The Forbidden Kingdom”, some Kung Fu for the soul but I was blackmailed into some ‘social entanglements’ though I created some rebellion history before engaging in the act too. I would have probably gone insane with the thoughts of coming out in the job market and not ‘working’ if it hadn’t been for this. The earning, whatever it amounts to have brought a sense of responsibility too. Responsibility is a strange thing, isn’t it? You have it only when you choose to take it or else it never even exists for anyone. Responsibility gives power, something I learnt a long time back but there’s more than power that makes you want to be responsible…like “being able to do unto others as they would be done by” ..I am beginning to see the amount of sacrifices and selflessness on their part on being able to do so…. Maybe it would have been easier if I had been the solo rider all along but rightly said in “Into the Wild”: “Happiness is not real until shared.” I am glad to receive demands: either for cheese balls or chewing gum. It’s just good to hear that. 🙂
The academic portion is scary though. Academic writings scare me, I start on them with the pre-conceived notion that “I can’t” and it makes things harder. And obviously ONLY reading is NOT making any progress. Something needs to be done, it could start with a hug from anyone with the assurance “You can DO it! ” 🙂 Yah, I know all about how everything zeros down to ‘you’ thing but a favorable ‘externality’ is always welcome, I bet it’s the same for everyone. But as no such, act, can be expected owing to the fact that ‘regular college’ days are over and ‘hugging’ isn’t really the traditional way of greeting here in Nepali ‘office setting’ I have to start first and think of hugs as later incentives I guess. So, here I go back to some Further Readings and writings (hopefully)!