Blogging is a narcissist act. And as I start this entry at 1:20pm sharp on February 1, 2009 I know the exact relationship between narcissism and blogging. For this isn’t just another entry in my blog, this is ‘the’ blog because it celebrates ‘itself’. It celebrates its third year of existence for that is what the blogger decides has decided as ‘celebration time’!
A lot happened in the last three years. I was in college when I took up blogging, now college is over ( at least Undergrad days are over). There was a time when just about anything in sight inspired me to write and there was a time when nothing did. There was a time when ‘Blogs’ were the coolest thing to do and in 2006 there were relatively few blogs ( Nepali) but most of them were active and regularly updated. And in its hey days cum early days the Nepali blogosphere had even envisioned a ‘Association’ for Bloggers. Interviews of bloggers, female bloggers and anonymous bloggers in both the print and online media made it look as if ‘blogging’ was a celebrity act! Obviously it gave a certain degree of popularity to the bloggers and even I felt like a ‘Star’! ( LOL) Thankfully I don’t anymore and don’t wish for it either. And if all this wasn’t enough ‘tinsel town’ material there was a blog solely dedicated to ‘blog gossips’!! Then strange things began to happen in the blogging world. Blogs were made private, blogs were deleted, blog posts were erased and most blogs were simply stagnant.
Now a new, fresh generation of bloggers has entered the Nepali blog world but following them has been next to impossible for me. Blogging is no longer a rare celebrity phenomena anymore. The situation can be best exemplified by the ‘growing’ and unending numbers of ‘Martyrs’ of Nepal. When bloggers were few like the ‘martyrs’ you knew them. Obviously it is not the same when we have hundreds if not thousands doing it. It has become harder to track down blogs worth the time and I mostly only visit blogs in my blog roll with very few exceptions. Increasing the blog roll is undoubtedly the smartest way to increase readership and network via blogging but somehow I am not so keen on doing that either. My purpose of blogging is not networking. It is also not to practice my writing so that someday it helps me to be a fiction/non-fiction writer nor do I write with a purpose of being a journalist someday.
The purpose of blogging for me is only writing. Writing because I wish to. Writing because I chose to. There’s no ulterior motive behind blogging. The blog exists so that I can free my mind. Whether the blog entries are read or not the primary concern but that I write not worrying much about ‘Why’ I write is. Once I sent an article to TKP months ago, but it wasn’t published so I thought to myself ‘Well, I can be my own publisher’ and opened an account here. That sums up my web presence other than this address and Flickr page. I’ve been pretty stringent on advertising about this blog. Yet the blog has visitors. So, I am thankful to all those who read this page for whatsoever reasons. And here are some few things I’ve learnt about readership and other things regarding my blog and blogging in general :
1.An entry in Nepali draws more visitors than an entry in English.
2.Comments on an entry don’t correlate to the number of visitors to the entry at all.
3.This entry is the most read entry in this blog. Till date (including today) it has been viewed 6,185 times! The reason behind this seems to be the fact that, people surf the net for ‘hot girls’ and they end up here! ( I don’t know if that is good news or bad!) The irony is, I am the best example of a UN-hot girl and yet most people come here for the ‘hot’ girl! HA HA HA
4.If an entry (with nothing ‘hot’ in it) draws unusual number of visitors I need to understand that something is wrong! ( I have examples but let me not go into that)
5.The life of any blog entry is only as long as the time taken to write the entry. They are just manifestations of momentary emotions. So, what I wrote sometime back in history doesn’t reflect my opinion of things in the present. It is only the way I thought not the way ‘I think’.
6.’Blog awards’ won’t necessarily motivate people to blog. Its like saying granting IPRs encourage scientists to invent new things (they necessarily don’t). The search for knowledge exists because of the hunger for it rather than the incentive. Likewise bloggers write because they ‘wish’ to not because of any other reason. If it weren’t so, then the Nepali blog world wouldn’t have seen so many ‘stagnant’ or ‘dead’ blogs which were good in both content and language during a certain point in history.
7.And just because ‘this’ blog has existed since the last three years when others’ did not doesn’t mean I have ‘hacked’ mailing addresses or ‘go around writing vulgar comments’! I’ve just have enough of that baseless, meaningless accusations. Firstly though I don’t consider myself technically challenged I am not smart enough to hack anything and I wouldn’t be ‘helping’ people ( the same bloggers) with their blogs and teaching them how to ‘avoid’ vulgar comments if I were the supposed perpetrator. (I didn’t want to mention this ridiculous thing here but it really freaked me out).
Finally, in spite of the everything I am glad to find this blog alive and kicking even after three years! It may not be of any significance to anyone else but it is my own window to the past. It is a witness to my life. Sometimes when I am bored I go through the older entries and really enjoy reading them. They are stupid, lack coherence, oozing with excitement, sad, angry ..but whatever they may be they are just me. Nothing has remained the same in the last three years. Places , faces, emotions, relationships, life , death everything has changed. I have changed too. Still this is one of the few things that have ‘remained’ with me since 2006. And it makes me proud to know that I could be tenacious if I wished too! Yah, I can hold my head high and keep writing regardless of the praise, blame and just about anything else that has been bestowed upon me by this simple act of ‘writing’. I accept this responsibility of ‘blogging’ and will continue to free my mind this way….
Happy Birthday to My Phucche Three Year Old Blog!
...To the Freedom of Expression!