कान्छा बाउको अनुहार …

This is bad, real bad and it’s only getting worse. I can’t write. I can’t write on things I want to write on nor can I write on anything else. On the onset the words just don’t come. And if they do, they get stuck somewhere in my brain,neck, hands just about anyplace used for expressing myself. Worse still is the fact that I don’t have anything good to say about everything!The rains don’t make me go ‘ooh romance’ nor does the climate change debate excite me. And its not because I have been meditating , attained equanimity of thoughts either. Initially I got obsessed with the political economy of things including of the rain which siphoned all romance out of it. I wasn’t breathing in the smell of the earth after the rain, I was thinking of the repercussions of the muddy roads on the pedestrians bla bla blah. And as it was bound to happen, CC turned into another ‘NGO kheti’ too. The gravity of the situation is understandable but this ‘everything changing in Nepal is GW’ without a thorough study of the state of affairs wasn’t appealing. I no longer hear his voice in my head saying ‘Yesma pani politics cha’ but nothing interests me now after the Polit Econ obsession phase. Seriously, nothing other than Dudhkoshi perhaps. Well, it was mentioned in a song I heard on the bus today and I wished to see the river.Weird.

Dashain’s over, the weather is excellent,the buses are still running empty so I should be happy. Happy to get a glimpse of the himalayas every morning. Happy , happy, happy. And I should be laughing when I see the planes take off and land everyday remembering a pilot cousin of mine say ‘even monkeys can fly airplanes if taught’! There are a lot of things I should be doing but I can’t. I am confused to the core. And this is a bad place to write but its still my only place to write…
नचाहँदा नचाहँदै ब्लग गर्नु पनि नखाउँ भने दिन भरीको शिकार खाउँ भने कान्छा बाउको अनुहार जस्तै भाछ 😦

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4 comments

  1. OMG!!!!!!!!!!! Its been light years since I last wrote in ur blog!!!! I cant believe I stopped reading!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!! You make me wanna blog again!!

    How have u been my saathi? Dasian went well?

  2. n we meet here of all the social networking sites in the world 😉 hahaha. and u sud stop reading this blog……i can’t write these days. m trying to re-learn the art by writing on mundane things but even that is hard! n y DON’T u WRITE/ BLOG??????

    m the same. nothing exciting as of now. n dashain was good. did u miss dashain ? 🙂 howz everything?

  3. I really really miss dasain and tihar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! esp tihar as that is my favoirutitest time of the entirest year and I am missing it :((((((((((((((((( Tiha is the time I “find myself” ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I think i need to find a nepali keta aba ta.

    I really miss writing. I have begun diary writing again, to me myself and I and have been soul searching through that, trackiny my mind, moods, reactions ….. I dont why I dont have the overwelming urge to blog anymore. Its more a struggle about, should I be writing this and saying that than wanting to or not to write. Given the fact that the voice of dissent is limited in my beloved country.

    anyway…..babe, hope ur doing good, whats happening to ur safars? not satisfied by what u write? try just diary writing for a while and then copy editing on to a blog? or maybe ur mundane things are not mundane enuf. remember our college days ancient centuries ago??? oh God ! what happened to us???????

    I MISS USSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! I MISSSSSSSSS UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

    maybe u should stop trying to hard….give urself a break…..take in more from ur other senses for a while…… and then writing might just come to u….

    as clique as this sounds….. just let go….release urself from having to write…..

    hahahahahahah thats me soundig like a budi einstien!! hahahahahahah

    dont mind me….me just cleared 4 mount everest size files from my desk (as I passed the ball back into another NGO’s lap for the moment) and im in a high 🙂

    ok…I am gonna stop stalking ur page now

    love and chills 🙂

    H

  4. kudos!
    Problem come truely with many unholy faces. Say for instance, i was bit by the dog, i did the same biting it! Doesn’t that make me worse as it is to me..? doh! it just is an ovehaul situation, a situation you can’t force justify or neglect! The happy part is to move on, move on with what you have, or what you be! Cheers!

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