Writing is never as easy as reading. I believe it will never be as easy as reading. More so when the writer is confused about what to write: the chronological order of the series of writings yet to be completed to be more specific. Type an email first or reply to a Facebook wall scribbling, write a thank you note first or write an explanatory note on my whereabouts. I have been struggling to accomplish any of the aforementioned writings I need to do though I have replied, thanked and explained everything via telepathy to the people concerned. Telepathy doesn’t seem to have worked. And most importantly my silence is loudest to my ears. So I am finally putting an end on this self-imposed exile from the web-world and coming out of my closet 😉 .
My never ending (so it seemed) Nepal Yatayat saga has ended. And for my Baluwatar connections to be terminated a life-altering decision had to be made as was the case when the connection was established in the first place. Aug 2004-Dec 2009.5 years and four months, and everyday consisting of a approximately 2 hours of journeying to and fro from Koteshwor to Baluwatar. I needed change though I had grown quite accustomed to the NY rides and the major portion of my days spent in the Baluwatar. No doubt the last ride made me nostalgic and even moist-eyed as I scribbled the emotion on a biotech printout on the bus. And I will always cherish the bus rides no matter how many times I complain about the 5 year (only) constant in my life. In fact the rides were always more eventful than the time I spend outside the bus and I will dearly miss the emotional cum intellectual stimulants the bus rides consisted of. Now, it’s all history and has to be put to rest because a new chapter has begun.
However, transitions are never smooth as we think they will be. A voluntary resignation won’t automatically lead you to the ‘Enjoying my In between jobs’ phase. We humans are but creatures of evolution. A sudden mutation, in my case (in life) which came right out of the blue is a very hard thing to adjust to. There are adjustment issues in any transitory phase even though one might have opted for it. This In between jobs phase is not as I thought it would be: reading books, writing, observing, just taking it easy etc etc. Perhaps I was foolish to think that it would be so given my age and experience both at life and work. I am under the illusion that the world is on a perennial holiday but it is not. I am not the world. Once in a while I bounce back to reality and get all panicky because the world’s moving at the speed of light or maybe the fastest train the Chinese just made. People I know are moving ahead with education, work and everything else and I am still under the illusion that it has come to a standstill. The continuous conflict in between illusion and reality has barred me from seeing anything good or otherwise going on in life. It feels as though I am trying to catch up with the other athletes running towards the finish line but am lost midway. There was a purpose back home in KTM. There was pressure. There is nothing here.
I am in Delhi. Yes, the capital of the largest democracy of the world and I don’t know what to do with so much freedom!!! I don’t know a soul in this city other than one (whose phone number is not known to me so much so that I had to surf the internet to call him when I got lost here and thankfully was able to do so without showing a passport. Yes, you need to show a passport in cybercafés here!!). And what could be stranger than the fact that you know only one among the 12.25 million population living in the 8th largest metropolis of the world! Even more strange is the experience of living in a city which doesn’t expect anything from you, just as you don’t expect anything from it! A mutually detached relationship with a city was something never thought it was possible but seems like it is. I wanted it and I can’t appreciate it as I have it now. Blame human nature for that! I guess it is never easy to be anywhere without a purpose. That could be the reason for this blog. Just to experience that sense of purpose and accomplishment. Write. As William Somerset Maugham once said ” We do not write because we want to; We write because we have to.”
I have been in this city for a while. 18 days to be exact. And living in a city is very different making a short visit to it. I say that from experience. Delhi seems to be a overrated city (as are most cities in the world). With due apologies to all the Delhi lovers I guffawed when I read a book which mentioned this city to be heaven on earth. I mean, come on! Delhi and heaven on earth! What about Kathmandu which is literally a city like a room with a view? Anyways an average of 20 days is not enough to judge a city which has almost half of Nepal’s population residing in it. Nevertheless, Delhi’s heavenly comparisons must have come from the historical monuments which are well preserved here or because of the people concerning the writer. After all people make places and not otherwise. Its early and current residents have surely beautified this city but it is not a beautiful place in itself i.e. naturally. I simply can’t help comparing it to KTM, remembering all the times I have marvelled at nature’s generosity to it sadly ignored by its mindless residents. Delhi provides no view of the hills, mountains and no skyline as would be seen from back home. But then each city is distinct and a traveller must be able to appreciate the fresh views s/he comes across. I don’t wish Delhi to be Kathmandu. I wouldn’t be able to appreciate both the cities that way. The wide range of options this city provides whether it be on transport, food, malls, cinemas (basically all material things) to its residents is amazing. More of my Delhi musings cum observations to follow. Here’s a picture of the book I bought in Daryaganj last Sunday to inspire the writer in me. The place hosts a book-lover’s paradise every Sunday with books sold in dirt cheap prices though you mayn’t always get the book you are looking for. More on it later….. Feels absolutely great to be writing once again.