Monga

These orange curtains made me quite happy when I saw them for the first time. This light yellow colored room, the tube-lights, the fan, the bed lamp they all made me happier than I had expected to be. Now they don’t. I don’t understand why such articles have to give us any happiness at all. Why does anything have to make us happy when that happiness is so short lived.
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I wonder why I am here. Why amongst these kids and not elsewhere? They’ll read newspapers if the teacher says so thinking we’ll be asked questions from them!
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Micro feels as though I am studying Latin or Greek. Langrangean, Jacobian, Hessian and there’s the omnipresent epsilon ball around this and that. I don’t understand what that epsilon ball in some space has to do with this subject or why I should accept it, like it, love it. Believe me, I’ve tried doing so and I have failed.
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We’ve all crossed different stages of madness by now. One of us wanted to leave right away, she still hasn’t. I was plotting my own great escape from everything when I was loaded with cash. Now that the money’s gone so have the plans. Perhaps, it was the money making the plans and not me.
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So life continues because it has to. It moves forward because it can’t go back and undo what’s already been done. That brings me back to Shio’s card. Two girls walking on a field of yellow flowers, their short skirts blowing in the wind and ‘The way you choose is the way you keep walking’ written in Japanese…. *Sigh*

P.S. In case you’re wondering what ‘Monga’ is , its the surname of the author of a book on my table. Some Indian writer. I named this entry after him for no apparent reason.

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3 comments

  1. There’s no one who can help you but you, yourself. I remember playing ‘ When we’re hungrrry, love will keep us alive’ a million times. Did I think anyone was coming to save me or help me. Well, no one came but the times passed. And it was you who always proclaimed, “This too shall pass” . I know it will and don’t hate yourself for deciding and venturing out to conquer the world.

    And there’s no joy in running away but only in fighting the beast. Who will fly and who will not is unknown? If flying is the answer to all the problems or staying back and toiling. But you can’t kill dreams can you? And we are all born explorers. What if we turn up like Pi with a tiger, gorilla and zebra in the middle of the Pacific ocean. Do we have a chance in staying alive but we fight all odds don’t we?

    There’s always a way back home but a defeated soldier is half dead isn’t he? and after all it was the soldier that went to war in the first place.

    I am no Guru but there’s no looking back or giving up? You will conquer the world and we have no doubt…

  2. Isn’t this entry and the explanation of the writers state of mind toooooo old. I request the writer to update her posts as soon as possible. I hope to read something new soon.

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